


The Continued Journals of Karkat Vantas, Nerevarine

by Slyjinks



Series: Scrollstuck [2]
Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, Homestuck
Genre: Diary/Journal, Dunmer!Karkat, Fictional Religion & Theology, Gen, Illustrations, Non-Graphic Violence, Scrollstuck, Swearing, Video & Computer Games
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-30
Updated: 2013-10-20
Packaged: 2017-12-16 16:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 11,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/864304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slyjinks/pseuds/Slyjinks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas, a nobody Dunmer who grew up in the Imperial City, was transferred as a prisoner to Morrowind with no warning and saddled with impossible expectations: he was to prove himself to be the prophesied reincarnation of the ancient Chimer king Indoril Nerevar and defeat Dagoth Ur, the dark god who sat plotting within Red Mountain. When Dagoth Ur's followers try to kill Karkat, the Dunmer decides that, though he may not believe in this reincarnation nonsense, he would fulfill those prophesies simply to spite the dark god. </p><p>But rage and spite alone may not prove to be enough as the evidence piles up that he, in a past life, may be in part to blame for the entire mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Cutting Strings

**Author's Note:**

> Continuation of [The Journals of Karkat Vantas, Nerevarine](http://archiveofourown.org/works/808805/chapters/1526498). Short form: this is basically the main plot of Morrowind from the point of view of the player character, if that player character were Karkat Vantas. ;)

_Beginning with this entry, the journal is written in the margins of the Dissident Priests'[Progress of Truth](http://uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Progress_of_Truth)_

31 LAST SEED, CONTINUED

CAIUS COSADES WAS RECALLED TO THE IMPERIAL CITY. HE SAYS THAT *HIS* BOSSES ARE CLAIMING CONCERN OVER HIS SUGAR, BUT HE FIGURES IT’S POLITICAL BULLSHIT. I FIGURE IT COULD BE EITHER ONE OR BOTH. ANYWAY, THAT DEALS WITH ANY ROMANTIC INTEREST HE MIGHT HAVE IN ME, WHICH IS GOOD. I MEAN, I LIKE HIM ALL RIGHT AS A PERSON, BUT NOT IN THAT WAY, AND KISSING A SUGARTOOTH JUST TASTES FUCKING DISGUSTING. NEVER AGAIN. 

IT’LL BE WEIRD WITHOUT HIM AROUND, THOUGH. I MEAN, HE’S BEEN PRETTY MUCH THE BIGGEST CONSTANT IN MY LIFE SINCE I GOT DUMPED IN THIS PLACE, AND NOW IT’S JUST ME. WELL, I’M SUPPOSED TO FIND THE PRIEST, MILO, SEE IF SHE FOUND THE LOST PROPHESIES, GET THEM BACK TO THE WISEWOMAN NIBANI, AND GET HER HELP TO PROVE MYSELF AS THE INCARNATE, BUT IT STILL FEELS LIKE ANOTHER LINK TO HOME’S BEEN CUT, WHICH IS A STRANGE FEELING, BECAUSE I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW HIM BACK HOME. 

AT LEAST THE IMMEDIATE STEP IS CLEAR. GO TO VIVEC CITY, FIND MILO. 

I’VE ALSO BEEN PROMOTED TO OPERATIVE, WHICH MEANS THAT ONCE CAIUS LEAVES, I’LL BE THE HIGHEST RANKING MEMBER OF THE BLADES IN VVARDENFELL. I. I DON’T EVEN. I’VE BARELY BEEN IN THE BLADES FOR TWO FUCKING WEEKS! THEY’VE GOT TO BE FUCKING SHITTING ME! IT SEEMS TO BE SOME SORT OF TECHNICALITY OR FORMALITY OR WHATEVER. EVERYONE HERE STILL HAS THEIR ORDERS AND THEY’LL ALL BE SENDING THEIR REPORTS BACK TO THE IMPERIAL CITY, AND THIS IS A WAY TO MAKE IT CLEAR THAT NO BLADE HERE IS SUPPOSED TO GET IN THE WAY OF *MY* MISSION. I’M STILL PRETTY FUCKING DAZED, THOUGH. 

COSADES ALSO GAVE ME THE ROOM HE WAS USING, WHICH IS GREAT AND ALL, EXCEPT THE PLACE FUCKING REEKS OF SUGAR AND I DON’T HAVE TIME TO SIT AROUND WHILE IT GETS AIRED OUT. I GUESS I’LL ASK THE NEARBY BLADES IF THEY CAN CHECK IN ON IT IF I LEAVE THE DOOR CRACKED OR SOMETHING. AT LEAST NOW I’VE GOT A PLACE TO STOW ALL THE PAPERS AND BOOKS AND JOURNALS I’VE BEEN ACCUMULATING. HE ALSO GAVE ME A SET OF ENCHANTED CLOTHING THAT WERE, SHOCKINGLY, CLEAN AND DIDN’T SMELL OF THE SWEET STUFF. SUPPOSEDLY THEY MAKE YOU SNEAKIER OR SHIT. I’VE NEVER BEEN MUCH FOR STEALTH, BUT I GUESS THAT MIGHT COME IN USEFUL? WHAT I DON’T GET, THOUGH, IS WHY HE LEFT HIS SHIT IN THE CHESTS IN THE ROOM, AND THEN DIDN’T LEAVE THE FUCKING KEY. 

CAIUS SAYS THINGS HAVE GOTTEN PRETTY MESSY IN THE IMPERIAL CITY. THERE ARE SOME RUMORS GOING ON THAT THE EMPEROR’S SONS ARE FAKES OR SOME SHIT, THAT THEY WERE REPLACED BACK WHEN THARN HAD THE EMPEROR TRAPPED IN OBLIVION, SO THERE’RE A LOT OF QUESTIONS OF SUCCESSION. SO COSADES… HE DOESN’T THINK THE EMPIRE’S GOING TO LAST MUCH AFTER URIEL SEPTIM, AND LET’S FACE IT, SEPTIM’S PRETTY FUCKING OLD AND ISN’T IN THE BEST OF HEALTH. I THINK MAYBE HE’S OVERSTATING THINGS. I MEAN, THE EMPIRE’S BEEN THROUGH ROUGH TIMES BEFORE. IT BOTHERS ME TO BE STUCK OUT HERE, BUT WHAT THE FUCK COULD I ACCOMPLISH BACK HOME, ANYWAY? NOTHING, BECAUSE I WAS A FUCKING NOBODY! AT LEAST HERE I’VE GOT AN IDEA WHAT THE FUCK I’M DOING. AN INSANE IDEA, BUT IT’S STILL AN IDEA. MAYBE I CAN’T DO MUCH FOR THE EMPIRE, BUT MAYBE I *CAN* DO SOMETHING FOR MORROWIND, AND MORROWIND’S PART OF THE EMPIRE, ANYWAY. BESIDES, WHAT THE FUCK MAKES ANYONE THINK DAGOTH UR WOULD STOP HERE IF HE GETS HIS WAY? “KILL AN EVIL DEMIGOD” WILL BE A PRETTY FUCKING IMPRESSIVE ACCOMPLISHMENT FOR A NOBODY STREET URCHIN LIKE ME. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, Karkat's dislike for sugar just kept growing. I don't think he exactly looks down on sugartooths (well, any more than he looks down on anyone) so much as he's wary of them, and he doesn't like either the smell or taste. Somewhere along the line this morphed into me deciding he doesn't like sweets at all.


	2. Passwords

_Tucked into this page of the journal is[a note addressed to Amaya.](http://uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Note_to_Amaya)_

1 HEARTHFIRE

TO ABSOLUTELY NO ONE’S SURPRISE, MEHRA MILO WAS IN TROUBLE. I FOUND A NOTE IN HER ROOM WITH THE CODE WORD SHE’D GIVEN ME BEFORE. I’M NOT SURE WHO THE FUCK SHE WAS EXPECTING TO FOOL, SINCE IT WOULD TAKE SOMEONE WITH ABOUT HALF THE BRAINS AS A KWAMA FORAGER TO SEE THROUGH HER “CODE,” BUT IT LOOKS LIKE I WAS THE FIRST ONE TO FIND IT. I WOULD THANK SAI FOR SMALL FAVORS, BUT THANKING SAI IS DUMB AND RELYING ON HIM IS DUMBER, SO I WON’T. I’M STUFFING THE NOTE IN THE JOURNAL WITH EVERYTHING ELSE, BUT THE SHORT VERSION WAS THAT SHE WAS IN THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH, THAT I’LL NEED TO GET HER A DIVINE INTERVENTION SCROLL, AND THE GUARD ON DUTY WOULD BE SYMPATHETIC. IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONG ABOUT WHAT THE FUCKING MINI-MOON THEY’VE GOT HOVERING OVER THIS DAMNED CITY IS FOR. IT’S NOT WHERE VIVEC LIVES, IT’S WHERE THEY KEEP PRISONERS. “WORSHIP ME, OR I’LL LET THIS MOON FULL OF CRIMINALS CRASH DOWN ON YOUR FUCKING HEADS.” YEAH, NOW THAT I’VE CLEARED THAT LITTLE MISUNDERSTANDING UP, I FEEL *MUCH* BETTER ABOUT THE DAMNED THING.

SINCE SHE LEFT A COUPLE OF RISING FORCE POTIONS, I WAS ABLE TO GET UP THERE, BUT MAN, FUCK THESE PEOPLE AND THEIR OBSESSION WITH PLACES THAT YOU NEED TO LEVITATE TO GET TO! IT’S LIKE THEY’RE FLAUNTING THE FACT THAT LEVITATION IS STILL LEGAL OR SOMETHING. OR RUBBING IT IN, I DON’T KNOW. WHATEVER. DIVAYTH FYR WAS THE SAME FUCKING WAY, THOUGH. HIS STUDY WAS ON AN UPPER LEVEL WHERE THERE WEREN’T ANY STAIRS, SO I HAD TO USE POTIONS THEN, TOO. THEN WHEN I GOT UP THERE, ALL HE WANTED TO FUCKING TALK MY EAR OFF AND WENT ON ABOUT HOW RARELY HE GOT VISITORS. I TOLD HIM, “WELL, MAYBE IF YOU DIDN’T LIVE ON A FUCKING ISLAND IN A TOWER WITH NO STAIRS, YOU’D GET VISITORS MORE OFTEN!” BUT HE WAS TOO BUSY YAMMERING ABOUT HOW THE CLIFF RACERS CHASED OFF THE DRAGONS (SHOWING THAT CLIFF RACERS ARE *SO* ANNOYING THAT EVEN THE DRAGONS WENT, “FUCK THIS SHIT, I’M GETTING OUT OF THIS DUNG HOLE OF A PROVINCE”) TO LISTEN. OF COURSE, HE DID HAVE A BUNCH OF DISEASED NUTCASES IN HIS BASEMENT, SO MAYBE HE *WOULDN’T* GET ANY MORE VISITORS, BUT IT’S NOT LIKE THE LACK OF STAIRS DID HIM ANY FUCKING FAVORS. 

OF COURSE, THEY PROBABLY DON’T WANT TO MAKE LEAVING THE “MINISTRY OF TRUTH” EASY. SINCE THE FUCKING THING IS RIGHT OUT IN THE OPEN, I MADE SURE TO HEAD UP THERE AT NIGHT, AND LUCKILY, MILO WAS RIGHT ABOUT THE GUARD BEING SYMPATHETIC. SHE GAVE ME A KEY AND TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO TELL EVERYONE I OVERPOWERED HER. SURE, THANKS FOR THE KEY, BUT THAT BITCH HAD BETTER MAKE SURE TO INCLUDE, “I DIDN’T GET A GOOD LOOK AT HIM!” AS PART OF HER STORY! 

REMEMBER HOW PAST ME SAID HE WASN’T MUCH FOR STEALTH? AHAHAHA, FUCK US BOTH, BUT FUCK HIM MORE FOR NEVER LEARNING TO GET BETTER. CURRENT ME STILL ISN’T VERY GOOD AT IT, BUT IT TURNS OUT THE MAGIC CLOTHES COSADES GAVE ME MADE ME GOOD ENOUGH TO GET AS FAR AS THE HOLDING CELLS. AT THE CELLS THERE WERE FOUR GUARDS AND A WIDE OPEN AREA, SO I HAD TO FIGHT MY WAY THROUGH AT THE LAST BIT. I EVEN SURPRISED MYSELF BY DEALING WITH FOUR ORDINATORS AT ONCE, ALTHOUGH I STILL THINK THOSE FACE MASKS OF THEIRS ARE DISTURBING. I CAN’T PUT MY FINGER ON IT, BUT THERE’S JUST SOMETHING FUCKING *WRONG* WITH THEM. I THINK IT'S THOSE WEIRD, DEAD, UNBLINKING STARES. 

MILO AND I USED THE SCROLLS TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE BECAUSE APPARENTLY, WHEN YOU PUT YOUR PRISON IN A FLOATING MINI-MOON, YOU DON’T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT SHIELDING IT FROM MAGIC BECAUSE HEY, IT’S NOT LIKE LEVITATION SPELLS AND TELEPORTION SPELLS ARE A THING! WELL, OKAY, LEVITATION SPELLS AREN’T A THING BACK IN CYRODIIL, BUT YOU’D THINK HERE THEY’D TAKE THIS SHIT INTO ACCOUNT. BEFORE WE WENT, MILO TOLD ME TO MEET UP WITH HER AT A DISSIDENT PRIEST MONASTERY NAMED HOLAMAYAN, AND THAT A FISHERWOMAN AT THE EBONHEART DOCKS WILL GET ME THERE BY BOAT. I’M ALREADY AT EBONHEART – THAT’S WHERE THE SCROLL TOOK ME. NOW I JUST NEED TO FIND THE FISHERWOMAN AND USE THE BLINDINGLY TRANSPARENT CODEWORD I WAS GIVEN.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I would love to claim that today's scribble was inspired the idea that it'd be nice to see a version of Karkat on the giving end of stabs rather than the receiving end, the thought process actually went, "I want to show Karkat face to face with one of the Indoril helmets -> maybe holding one after the battle? -> It'd probably be better if he were facing one of them during the battle -> Oh! Post stabbing might be interesting! -> ... wait a minute."
> 
> (The helmets, supposedly, are modeled after Nerevar himself. Apparently Nerevar had sharp features and rather luscious lips.)
> 
> Levitation is in Daggerfall and Morrowind (and possibly Arena, but I have it on good authority that no sane person subjects themselves to Arena), but is gone in Oblivion and Skyrim. Oblivion provides a justification (which can be overheard from NPCs occasionally): the "Levitation Act of 421" apparently outlawed it (and the Mages were all strangely compliant). Of course... Morrowind takes place in 427, but the justification still holds when you remember that Morrowind is allowed more autonomy than most the other provinces.
> 
> Oh, in case anyone's paying attention to these things, I made a slight edit to chapter one. A note was added in the beginning to indicate that Karkat had switched to the margins of a new book.


	3. A Cruel Joke

4 HEARTHFIRE

I FOUND THE MONASTERY AND THE HEAD MONK OR TOP DISSIDENT PRIEST OR WHATEVER THE FUCK HE WAS, NAMED BARELO OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT, GAVE ME A COUPLE OF THE MISSING PROPHESIES, ALONG WITH A WHOLE CART LOAD OF BOOKS ABOUT NEREVAR BECAUSE APPARENTLY I HAVEN’T READ ENOUGH ABOUT THAT ASSHOLE YET. I DON’T EVEN CARE IF HE REALLY *IS* ME IN A PAST LIFE, I ALREADY HATE HIM. FUCK, THAT’S ALL THE MORE REASON TO HATE HIM, ACTUALLY. THE FIRST LOST PROPHECY IS CONVENIENTLY NAMED “THE LOST PROPHECY.” I’M GOING TO HOPE THAT THAT WASN’T ITS ORIGINAL NAME, BUT I WOULDN’T BUT IT PAST THESE FUCKERS.

THE LOST PROPHECY

FROM SEVENTH SIGN OF ELEVENTH GENERATION,  
NEITHER HOUND NOR GUAR, NOR SEED NOR HARROW,  
BUT DRAGON-BORN AND FAR-STAR-MARKED,  
OUTLANDER INCARNATE BENEATH RED MOUNTAIN,  
BLESSED GUEST COUNTERS SEVEN CURSES,  
STAR-BLESSED HAND WIELDS THRICE-CURSED BLADE,  
TO REAP THE HARVEST OF THE UNMOURNED HOUSE

ACCORDING TO BARELO, THE FIRST COUPLE OF LINES SUPPOSEDLY SUGGEST THAT HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE AN ANCIENT FAMILY BUT NONE OF THE MAJOR ASHLANDER TRIBES, NOT THAT TELLING US THAT DOES ANYONE ANY GOOD SINCE WE ALREADY KNOW IT’S GOT TO BE SOMEONE WITH “UNCERTAIN PARENTS,” SO THIS THING’S STARTING OUT TO BE PRETTY WORTHLESS. BARELO SEEMS TO THINK THE THIRD LINE JUST MEANS THE NEREVARINE WILL BE BORN “UNDER THE DRAGON-SIGN” OF THE IMPERIAL PROVINCE, WHICH IS THE ONLY INTERPRETATION THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE EVEN REMOTELY APPLICABLE TO ME. OF COURSE, “DRAGON-BORN” IS A PRETTY FUCKING LOADED TERM, SINCE IT CAN ALSO MEAN SOMEONE FROM THE EMPEROR’S BLOODLINE (WHICH IS PRETTY FUCKING UNLIKELY GIVEN THAT I’M A DUNMER, EVEN TAKING INTO ACCOUNT THE SO-VANISHINGLY-REMOTE-IT’S-NOT-EVEN-WORTH-THE-INK-I’M-USING-TO-WRITE-THIS POSSIBILITY THAT CASSYNDER HAD SOME UNACCOUNTED FOR BASTARDS SOMEWHERE), OR THAT STUPID NORD SHOUTING LEGEND HORSESHIT (AND IF THESE ASSHOLES ARE EXPECTING ME TO SHOUT ANYONE INTO SUBMISSION, THEY’RE GOING TO BE WAITING A LONG TIME; I’VE BEEN TRYING THAT MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE AND IT HASN’T WORKED YET). IT’S PROBABLY LIKE HOW DRAGONS ARE USED TO SYMBOLIZE THE EMPIRE OR CYRODIIL OR TIME OR AKATOSH OR THE BLADES OR ACTUAL FUCKING DRAGONS, BECAUSE IN HERE IN TAMRIEL WE APPARENTLY LIKE TO ATTACH AS MANY SYMBOLIC MEANINGS AS POSSIBLE TO THE WORD “DRAGON” WHILE OCCASIONALLY THROWING IN A LITERAL MEANING JUST TO KEEP PEOPLE AS CONFUSED AS POSSIBLE AS TO WHAT ANYONE’S TALKING ABOUT BECAUSE HAVING AN OFFICIAL COMMON LANGUAGE IN THIS EMPIRE MAKES COMMUNICATION WAY TOO EASY FOR US. 

ANYWAY, “DRAGON-BORN” GUARDUNG ASIDE, THE WHOLE THING MAKES IT PRETTY CLEAR THAT THE NEREVARINE WAS PREDICTED TO BE AN OUTLANDER AGES AGO, AND BARELO FIGURES THAT THAT WOULD HAVE PROBABLY PISSED THE ASHLANDERS OFF ENOUGH TO EXPLAIN WHY THEY “LOST” THE PROPHESY. MAYBE IT’S WHY THEY NAMED IT “THE LOST PROPHESY.” “FUCK, THIS PROPHESY SUCKS, LET’S LOSE IT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. GOOD THING WE NEVER WRITE SHIT DOWN!” 

I’M GOING TO TAKE A WILD GUESS AND ASSUME THE “STAR-BLESSED HAND” IS TALKING ABOUT THE MOON-AND-STAR RING THE LEGENDS KEEP SAYING NEREVAR HAD, BUT WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW? BARELO THINKS IT HAS TO DO WITH THE DAEDRIC PRINCE AZURA, BUT I THINK SHE’S CONNECTED WITH THE RING, ANYWAY. HE ALSO SUGGESTED THAT THE “THRICE-CURSED BLADE” IS KEENING, PART OF A SET OF TOOLS THAT, ACCORDING TO ANOTHER PIECE OF PAPER THE FUCKASS SHOVED AT ME, WERE USED BY BOTH DAGOTH UR AND THE TRIBUNAL TO TAP POWER FROM THE HEART OF LORKHAN.

SO. GREAT. FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. NOW WE’RE GETTING INTO CREATION MYTHS! IF I’M REMEMBERING RIGHT, LORKHAN WAS THE GOD THAT EITHER TRICKED OR JUST PERSUADED A BUNCH OF OTHER SPIRITS INTO CREATING THE WORLD (DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK, IF THE PEOPLE YOU ASK EVER GAVE A SHIT ABOUT LORKHAN OR SHOR OR WHATEVER TO BEGIN WITH). MOST OF THEM TOOK ONE LOOK AT THIS PLACE, DECIDED IT WAS A PIECE OF SHIT, AND STORMED BACK OFF INTO OBLIVION OR AETHERIUS OR WHEREVER IN A HUFF, PUNCHING HOLES IN THE SKY THAT MAKE UP THE SUN AND ALL THE STARS AND LET MAGIC IN. EXCEPT FOR THE STARS IN MY SIGN, THE SERPENT. THOSE ARE HOLES TO… SOMEWHERE ELSE, I GUESS? THOSE LET LIMITATIONS INTO THE WORLD, INCLUDING THINGS LIKE BOUNDARIES AND EXACTNESS AND WHATEVER? I DON’T KNOW. ALL THE OLD MER RELIGIONS EXCEPT THE DUNMER ONES HATE LORKHAN BECAUSE THEY THINK EXISTENCE IS A CRUEL JOKE, AND THEY’VE KIND OF GOT A POINT THERE, BUT THEIR WHOLE “WE’D BE IMMORTAL IF WE DIDN’T ALL EXIST AS INDIVIDUALS” LINE OF THOUGHT IS PROBABLY A BIGGER JOKE THAN CREATION ITSELF. ALL I KNOW FOR SURE IS THAT MOST LEGENDS SAY LORKHAN MANAGED TO PISS OFF ENOUGH OF HIS GOD-BUDDIES OVER THE WHOLE CREATING NIRN THING THAT THEY RIPPED OUT HIS HEART AND THREW IT INTO THE SEA, BUT I GUESS THAT SPOT DIDN’T STAY SEA. DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK, DAEDRA ARE EITHER THE SPIRITS THAT HAD FUCK-ALL TO DO WITH CREATION BUT JUST DECIDED TO DICK AROUND WITH IT LATER, OR OUR ANCESTORS, OR WEIRD FUCKING COMBINATION.

LET’S SAY THIS IS ALL TRUE. WHY THE FUCK SHOULD WE WORSHIP *ANY* OF THESE ASSHOLES? MOST OF THE GODS INVOLVED IN MAKING EVERYTHING DIDN’T STICK AROUND, MOST OF THE ONES WHO DID WERE SO ANGRY ABOUT WHAT THEY DID THAT THEY PUNISHED THE GUY WHO GOT THEM TO DO IT, SOME OF THE FEW WHO WEREN’T ARE DEAD AND ROTTING IN THE SKY, THE DAEDRA ARE UNPREDICTABLE AND UNRELIABLE PAINS IN EVERYONE’S ASSES, AND AS FOR THE WHOLE “ANCESTOR WORSHIP” THING, LOOK, YOU FIGHT ENOUGH GHOSTS, YOU REALIZE THAT YES, THERE IS A SPIRIT THAT STICKS AROUND AFTER DEATH, BUT THESE GUYS ARE JUST DEAD MORTALS, AND CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT MOST MORTALS ARE ASSHOLES, IT STANDS TO REASON THAT MOST ANCESTOR-SPIRITS ARE ASSHOLES! SOMETIMES YOU END UP HAVING TO TAKE HELP FROM SOME OF THESE ASSHOLES (AND BY “THESE ASSHOLES,” I MEAN ALL OF THEM, GODS, SPIRITS, WHATEVER) IN ORDER TO DEAL WITH THE ONES THAT ARE CAUSING PROBLEMS, BUT THERE’S NO REASON TO ASSUME *ANY* OF THESE JERKS HAVE ANY OF OUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND, ESPECIALLY WHEN SO MANY OF THEM OBVIOUSLY HATE CREATION. 

ANYWAY, THE OTHER MISSING PROPHECY IS CALLED THE SEVEN CURSES:

THROUGH THE DOORS OF THE UNMOURNED HOUSE  
WHERE THE SCOFFERS SCOFF AND THE SCHEMERS SCHEME  
FROM THE HALLS OF THE OATH-BREAKING HOUSE  
RINGS SEVEN CURSES OF GODS BLASPHEMED

FIRST CURSE, CURSE-OF-FIRE  
SECOND CURSE, CURSE-OF-ASH  
THIRD CURSE, CURSE-OF-FLESH  
FOURTH CURSE, CURSE-OF-GHOSTS  
FIFTH CURSES, CURSE-OF-SEED  
SIXTH CURSE, CURSE-OF-DESPAIR  
SEVENTH CURSE, CURSE-OF-DREAMS

FIRE AND ASH ARE FROM THE RED MOUNTAIN, CORPUS AND BLIGHT ARE PROBABLY THE CURSE OF FLESH. BARELO HAD NO IDEA ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHERS BESIDES THE CURSE OF DREAMS, BUT THE FOURTH AND FIFTH CURSES MAKE ME THINK OF THAT FUCKING SOUL-EATING GHOST WALL AND HOW FUCKING BARREN A HUGE CHUNK OF THIS ISLAND IS BECOMING. 

I GOT STUCK IN THE MONASTERY FOR A DAY BECAUSE THE ENTRANCE ONLY OPENS AT DUSK AND DAWN BECAUSE THIS IS A REMOTE GROUP OF RELIGIOUS FANATICS AND THAT’S HOW RELIGIOUS FANATICS FUCKING DO THINGS SOMETIMES. ONCE I FINALLY GOT OUT OF THERE, I DECIDED TO STOP AT BALMORA BEFORE HEADING BACK TO THE ASHLANDER CAMP SO I CAN DROP OFF ALL THESE EXTRA BOOKS. THAT WAY I’M NOT CARTING AROUND A FUCKING LIBRARY THROUGH THE ASH-WASTES TO VISIT A BUNCH OF ILLITERATES WHO CAN’T READ THEM, ANYWAY. 

ON MY WAY TO BALMORA, FIRST I STOPPED AT VIVEC CITY TO TRY TO SELL OFF SOME OF THE EXTRA JUNK I PICKED UP DURING THE TRIP. IN ONE OF THE CANTONS A VOICE SPOKE TO ME OUT OF NOWHERE. IT WAS SOME DUNGMUNCHER WHO SAID HE WAS CURSED WITH INVISIBILITY AND WHO BEGGED ME TO TALK TO THE WIZARD WHO CURSED HIM AND GET HIM TO LIFT THE SPELL. SINCE I HAD TO PASS BY THAT MAGE’S SHOP ON THE WAY OUT, I THOUGHT, “WHAT THE FUCK,” AND TOLD THE SHITSNIFFER I’D CONSIDER LOOKING INTO IT IF HE'D FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE. 

I TALKED TO THE WIZARD. IT TURNED OUT THE SCRIB-SUCKER HAD BEGGED TO BE TURNED INVISIBLE SO PEOPLE WOULD LEAVE HIM ALONE AND HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO DO ANY WORK, BUT THEN HE NEVER EVEN PAID THE MAGE FOR THE ORIGINAL SPELL. HE ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO PAY FOR HIM, BUT I SAID FUCK THAT IDIOT, IT’S HIS FUCKING PROBLEM. I MEAN, HOLY FUCKING SHIT, I THINK MY INTELLIGENCE WAS LOWERED JUST BY BEING EXPOSED TO SUCH RETARDED GUAR-DROPPINGS, WHY SHOULD I DO ANY FAVORS FOR THAT LAZY FUCKER? OTHER THAN THAT, THE REST OF THE TRIP WAS PRETTY UNEVENTFUL.

I’M BACK IN BALMORA NOW, SO I’LL BE HEADING BACK TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE AS SOON AS I’VE SORTED OUT WHAT I ACTUALLY NEED TO TAKE AND THE DEAD WEIGHT I CAN LEAVE HERE. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, hey, look, apparently Karkat is Dragon-born! ... Where Dragon-born here translates into, "Whatever the heck Bethesda wants it to mean in a particular game."
> 
> Emperor Cassynder was the son of Empress Katariah (who was a full-blooded Dunmer that ruled Tamriel for awhile) and the infamous Pelagius the mad. Due to the screwy way Nirn genetics works (you belong to whatever 'race' your mother belongs to, but maybe with a few traits from the father's side, and if you do enough of that over generations those 'few traits from the father's side' adds up to Bretons), that would mostly just mean he was a Dunmer with a Breton's life span (he died without heirs and the crown went first to his half-brother and then on to another branch of the family). I tend to assume that Karkat is mostly aware of this because he's interested in the fact that the Empire was ruled by a couple of Dunmer for awhile (and by all accounts, Katariah's rule was something of a mini golden age). 
> 
> We also get treated to another barely-coherent religion-rant. Most Tamriel religions are kind of depressing, really. "Most of the gods hate the world and regret their involvement in creation. Also, they apparently went on a massive kill-spree among themselves." 
> 
> They're like Trolls or something.


	4. Reading, Counting, and a Contempt for Religion

5 HEARTHFIRE

I BROUGHT THE PROPHESIES BACK TO THE NIBANI MAESA, THAT ASHLANDER WISEWOMAN WHO TOLD ME ABOUT THEM. SHE MADE ME READ THEM TO HER OVER AND OVER TO HER UNTIL SHE HAD THE FUCKING THINGS MEMORIZED BECAUSE HEY, ILLITERATE TRIBESMAN! BUT WHATEVER, IT’S STILL FASTER THAN TEACHING HER TO READ WOULD BE. OF COURSE, I REALLY ONLY LEARNED BECAUSE SOME CITY GUARDSMAN AT ONE POINT DROPPED MY GRUBBY STREET-RAT ASS IN A TEMPLE CLASS WHERE THEY TAUGHT ME READING, COUNTING, AND A CONTEMPT FOR RELIGION (THREE FUCKING ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR ANY YOUNG DUNMER, IF YOU ASK ME), BUT I DON’T SEE THAT METHOD GOING OVER TOO WELL HERE. ANYWAY, ONCE SHE HAD THE NEW PROPHESIES DOWN, SHE USED AS MANY WORDS AS POSSIBLE TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF AND COME BACK TOMORROW SO SHE CAN TALK TO HER ANCESTORS IN HER DREAMS OR SOME SHIT. OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT GOING VERY FAR BECAUSE IT’S TOO EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL TO GET BACK OUT HERE SHOULD I WANT TO, SAY, SEE SOMETHING REMOTELY RESEMBLING A POOR BACKWATER IMITATION OF CIVILIZATION, BUT I MIGHT GO KILL A FEW CLIFF RACERS BECAUSE THEY ALL NEED TO DIE RIGHT NOW. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much today. :P "Wait a day and come back, and _then_ I'll give you the next mission" sorts of commands are annoying enough when Cosades gives them to you, but they're even more obnoxious when you're in the middle of no where and there aren't random people around to get random stupid quests from.  >:( It's arguably worse with Morrowind than the other games, since there's no "fast travel" option, and therefore absolutely no quick way to get to any of the damn Ashlander camps at all. 
> 
> (People who use mods to get rid of fast travel in Oblivion for REALISM are NUTS.)


	5. Weepings

6 HEARTHFIRE

SO APPARENTLY I’VE GOTTEN THE THUMBS UP FROM “THE SPIRITS”. GEE, THANKS, OH WISE AND WONDERFUL ANCESTORS, FOR GIVING ME *PERMISSION* TO RISK MY LIFE AND TRY AND SAVE YOUR HELLMURDER ISLAND FOR YOU! IT’S GREAT TO KNOW YOU’RE ALL RIGHT WITH THIS! 

ACCORDING TO NIBANI, SHE’S BEEN CHOSEN AS MY GUIDE FOR THIS, AND SINCE I’VE ALREADY PASSED THE FIRST TWO TRIALS BY NOT DYING OF CORPUS AND… BEING BORN, I GUESS? HER FIRST ACT AS MY GUIDE WAS TO MAKE ME SOMEONE ELSE’S PROBLEM. GOOD TO SEE THESE PEOPLE TAKE THEIR DUTIES SO SERIOUSLY! IT’S NICE TO KNOW THAT WHEN I’M OUT THERE PUTTING MY NECK ON THE LINE, THESE FUCKASSES ARE BACK AT HOME FINGERING THEMSELVES AND FINDING NEW WAYS TO GET OUT OF ACTUALLY HELPING!

FUCK IT. I’M NOT IN THIS TO HELP *THEM*. I’M IN THIS TO GET DAGOTH UR. LUCKILY FOR THESE GUAR-FUCKERS, HE’S MORE INFURIATING THAN THEY ARE. 

APPARENTLY THE TRIBAL CHIEF IS THE ONE WHO CAN EXPLAIN THE THIRD TRIAL, AND BY “CAN EXPLAIN,” I MEAN “MIGHT BE WILLING TO, IF I DO MORE INANE TASKS FOR HIM.” NIBANI OBVIOUSLY KNOWS SOMETHING, BUT SHE WON’T TELL ME HERSELF AND WON’T EXPLAIN WHY. I’M ALREADY FEELING EXTRAORDINARILY CONFIDENT IN HER ABILITIES AS A “GUIDE”! MEANWHILE, THE CHIEF DECIDED I NEED SOME SORT OF PRE-TRIAL TRIAL, BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THESE MORONS DO THINGS AROUND HERE: THE MOST ABSOLUTE ROUND-ABOUT, CONVOLUTED WAY AVAILABLE. I HAVE TO GO TO ONE OF THE ANCIENT HOUSE DAGOTH STRONGHOLDS, A PLACE NAMED KOGORUHN, AND GET A CUP WITH THE HOUSE DAGOTH MARK, SOMETHING CALLED THE SHADOW SHIELD, AND CORPRUS WEEPINGS FROM A CORPRUS BEAST. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO PROVE THAT I’M TOUGH ENOUGH TO HANDLE THE JOB AND THAT I’M REALLY IMMUNE TO CORPRUS.

REALLY? CORPURS WEEPINGS? YOU WANT ME TO BRING *THAT* BACK? INTO YOUR LITTLE TRIBE? INTO YOUR OWN FUCKING YURT? BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, YES, I AN IMMUNE TO THIS SHIT, BUT YOU AND YOUR TRIBESMEN SURE AS FUCK AREN’T! SO NOT ONLY ARE THESE GUYS IDIOTS, THEY’RE SUICIDAL IDIOTS. IT’D SERVE THEM RIGHT IF I LEFT THE DISGUSTING EXCRETIONS RIGHT THERE ON THEIR FLOOR. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That really is a pretty stupid thing chiefy-dude asks you to bring back to his village, especially since he never, y'know, requests that you dispose of it elsewhere or something.
> 
> Of course, since it's technically an ingredient, you could always eat it, because this is Morrowind, where you can eat anything listed as an ingredient, including gemstones, volcanic glass, and ebony.
> 
> (Mmmmmmmm.)


	6. Monumentally Fouled

7 HEARTHFIRE

ON THE TRIP TO KOGORUHN, I THINK I *ONLY* GOT LOST ABOUT SIX OR SEVEN TIMES IN THOSE FILTHY, LUNG-CLOGGING ASH STORMS, WHICH I *GUESS* COUNTS AS MAKING PRETTY GOOD TIME AROUND HERE. OF COURSE, THE CHIEF, SUL-MATUUL, HAD SUGGESTED I WAIT FOR A “CLEAR DAY,” BUT FUCK THAT, I'VE GOT SHIT TO DO. BESIDES, THIS PLACE DOESN'T *HAVE* CLEAR DAYS. CLEAR MINUTES, MAYBE. CLEAR HALF-HOURS IF YOU’RE LUCKY. I'VE YET TO WITNESS A CLEAR *DAY* IN THE ASHLANDS. I’M PRETTY SHOCKED THAT SUL-MATUUL EVEN HAS THAT PHRASE IN TINY LITTLE CULTIST-NUT-NOMAD VOCABULARY. 

I REALLY DON’T UNDERSTAND THESE PEOPLE’S COMPLETE LACK OF URGENCY. WELL, I MEAN, I GUESS THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR AWHILE AND IT’S NOT LIKE PUTTING IT OFF MEANS THAT MORE FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS ARE GOING TO GET KILLED BY BLIGHT MONSTERS OR BECOME BLIGHT MONSTERS OR GET DREAM BRAINWASHED OR ANYTHING, EXCEPT, OH, WAIT, THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT WAITING MEANS. MAYBE THINGS HAVE JUST BEEN SO WRETCHED HERE THAT PEOPLE DON’T EVEN REALIZE HOW MUCH THEIR PATHETIC LIVES TRULY SUCK. MAYBE *THAT’S* WHY THE NEREVARINE HAD TO BE AN OUTLANDER – BECAUSE IT TAKES SOMEONE WHO ISN’T FROM AROUND HERE TO LOOK AROUND AND GO, “YOU KNOW, THIS PLACE IS MONUMENTALLY FOULED UP BEYOND THE RATIONAL MIND TO ACTUALLY COMPREHEND! MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!” 

THE PLACE WAS FULL OF… I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DESCRIBE THEM, BECAUSE THE WORD “PEOPLE” SURE AS FUCK DOESN’T APPLY, AND AFTER I KILLED THEM I COULD TELL THEY WERE CORPRUS, BUT THEY WEREN'T MINDLESS CORPRUS BEASTS, EITHER. THE DAGOTH PRIEST WHO CURSED ME WAS THE SAME WAY. IT’S LIKE THEY CONSCIOUSLY CONTROL THEIR BODIES, SOMEHOW, BUT INSTEAD OF LOOKING LIKE ANYTHING REMOTELY MERRIC THEY'VE DECIDED THAT HUNCHBACK, TENTACLE-FACE MONSTER IS THIS SEASON’S GREATEST LOOK. *WHY*? BY ALL THE NOXIOUS PALACES OF ANGUISH IN ASPHIT, WHAT WOULD WARP THEIR MINDS TO THE POINT THAT THEY’D CHOOSE *THAT* FOR THEIR BODIES?

MAYBE ALL THOSE FACE TENTACLES MADE FOR BETTER SPELL-CASTING? BECAUSE I HAVE TO ADMIT, I BARELY MADE IT OUT OF THERE, AND I’M DAMN NEAR OUT OF MY RECOVERY POTIONS. AS MUCH AS I HATE HAVING TO DETOUR, I’M GOING TO NEED TO GET BACK TO CIVILIZATION TO RESTOCK BEFORE ATTEMPT THE NEXT TRIAL. EVERY PART OF ME HURTS RIGHT NOW, AND ALL MY GEAR NEEDS TENDING TO OR I’M LIABLE TO FIND MYSELF TAINT-DEEP IN ASH ZOMBIES WITH A BROKEN SWORD AND NO ARMOR.

MAYBE I’LL EVEN SEE THAT “CLEAR DAY” I WAS TOLD TO WAIT FOR, SINCE BALMORA ACTUALLY HAS THEM. 

I DID FIND THE BODIES OF A FEW ADVENTURERS WHO COULDN’T CUT IT, AND WHILE I HAVE NO CLUE WHO THOSE MORONS WERE, I WILL SAY THIS: THOSE POOR BASTARDS ALIT-LICKERS WENT IN THERE WELL EQUIPPED. NOT WELL ENOUGH, OBVIOUSLY, BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T MAKE IT OUT, BUT THEY HAD BETTER WEAPONS AND ARMOR THAN I’D EVEN HAVE BEEN ALLOWED TO *TOUCH* BACK IN THE IMPERIAL CITY. I AM NOW THE PROUD OWNER OF AN ACTUAL EBONY SWORD, SOMETHING I NEVER EVEN EXPECTED TO SEE IN MY LIFETIME, AND SURE, SOME ASSHOLE HAD TO DIE FOR ME TO GET IT, BUT HE WAS PROBABLY JUST IN THERE FOR TREASURE, AND ANYONE WHO WOULD GO INTO *THAT* PLACE FOR TREASURE *NEEDS* TO BE TAKEN OUT OF THE EMPIRE’S COLLECTIVE BREEDING STOCK. WE'VE ALREADY GOT WAY TOO MANY BRAIN-DAMAGED HALF-WITS RUNNING AROUND, ANYWAY. 

ONCE I GOT BACK TO THE URSHILAKU, SUL-MATUUL GAVE ME THE INSTRUCTIONS FOR THE THIRD TRIAL, WHICH IS TO FIND NEREVAR'S “MOON-AND-STAR” RING IN THE CAVERN OF THE INCARNATE, WHICH I HAVE TO FIND USING ANOTHER FUCKING RIDDLE BECAUSE NO ONE AROUND HERE LIKES GIVING A STRAIGHT ANSWER TO ANYTHING: 

THE EYE OF THE NEEDLE LIES IN THE TEETH OF THE WIND   
THE MOUTH OF THE CAVE LIES IN THE SKIN OF THE PEARL   
THE DREAM IS THE DOOR AND THE STAR IS THE KEY

NOTHING LIKE BEING MADE TO SOLVE GEOGRAPHICAL RIDDLES ON SOME ISLAND I'VE ONLY BEEN ON FOR HALF A MONTH! LUCKILY, EVEN THOUGH THE CHIEF WOULDN'T HELP, APPARENTLY NO ONE TOLD THE REST OF THE TRIBE THAT I’M ON MY OWN FOR THIS, AND I’VE GOTTEN SOME DIRECTIONS THAT’LL NO DOUBT GET ME HOPELESSLY LOST A FEW TIMES BEFORE I EVENTUALLY GET LUCKY AND STUMBLE INTO THE RIGHT PLACE, ANYWAY.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently, the alternate end-point of corprus (beside mindless zombie-like monster) is "Horrorterror with arms."
> 
> Asphit, by the way, is Malacath's realm. Apparently it's mostly made up of the dust and ash of anguish and broken promises, which might explain why Sheogorah considers Malacath to be no fun at parties. 
> 
> And, because the directions your character is given in Morrowind aren't bad enough at the best of times, _this_ time we're getting them in riddle-form!
> 
> (I used the map on the Unofficial Elder Scrolls wiki.)


	7. Incarnate

10 HEARTHFIRE

I’VE BEEN SITTING OUTSIDE THE CAVERN OF THE INCARNATE, STARING AT THIS FUCKING RING ON MY FINGER FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS NOW AND TRYING TO FORCE MY THOUGHTS TOGETHER ENOUGH FOR ME TO CHOKE SOME WORDS OUT OF THEM. I DON’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHEN I PUT IT ON. I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER DOING IT. I DON’T EVEN KNOW *WHY* I PUT IT ON. IT’S A MAGIC RING THAT’S SUPPOSED TO INSTANTLY *KILL* ANYONE WHO ISN’T LORD NEREVAR INDORIL, AND EVEN WITH EVERYTHING THAT’S HAPPENED SO FAR, I NEVER REALLY BOUGHT INTO THIS REINCARNATION GUAR-DUNG. SO WHY THE FUCK DID I PUT ON THE DAMNED RING? 

I GUESS I KNEW I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO TRY ON THE DEATH-RING EVENTUALLY ANYWAY IF I WAS GOING TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS, SINCE PAST-ME DECIDED TO GO AND SWEAR AN OATH ON THE ONLY THING I TAKE SERIOUSLY, MY OWN RAGE, TO TRY AND KILL AN EVIL GOD. REALLY, PUTTING ON A SUPPOSED INSTANT-KILL RING SOUNDS PRETTY SOLIDLY SANE IN COMPARISON TO THAT! I JUST WISH I REMEMBER ACTUALLY PUTTING IT ON.

OBVIOUSLY, I FOUND THE CAVE, ALTHOUGH IT TOOK ME AWHILE. DESPITE TIME SPENT, IT TURNED OUT TO BE MARGINALLY LESS TERRIBLE TO FIND THAN I EXPECTED, BY WHICH I MEAN I COULD COUNT THE NUMBER OF TIMES I WENT OFF COURSE AND GOT LOST WITHOUT TAKING OFF MY BOOTS (AND IF THIS THING EVER GETS LOST, TO ANY KWAMA-KISSER WHO THINKS IT’S A GOOD IDEA TO READ MY PRIVATE FUCKING JOURNALS JUST BECAUSE I WRITE THEM IN THE MARGINS OF WHATEVER BOOKS I CAN GET AHOLD OF, YES, I KNOW HOW TO COUNT WITHOUT MY FINGERS. I’M A DUNMER, NOT A FUCKING NORD, YOU KNOW). THE CAVE DOOR WOULDN’T OPEN UNTIL SUNSET (“THE STAR IS THE KEY”. IT’S LIKE THESE THINGS ARE DESIGNED TO FORCE ME TO SIT AROUND STROKING MYSELF WHILE I WAIT FOR SOME EXTRADIMENSIONAL SMARTASS’S IDEA OF A FUCKING “HOLY HOUR”). 

THE INSIDE OF THE CAVE TURNED OUT NOT TO BE THE USUAL CRAWL THROUGH RIDICULOUS NUMBERS OF WILD ANIMALS AND SUPERNATURAL HORRORS OUT TO RIP MY FLESH FROM MY BONES AND STRANGLE ME WITH MY OWN INTESTINES, OR WHATEVER TENTACLE-FACED MONSTERS LIKE TO DO WITH THEIR VICT- NO. NO. FUCK YOU, BRAIN, WHERE THE FUCK DO YOU GET DISGUSTING SHIT LIKE THAT FROM? I SWEAR, SOMETIMES IT’S LIKE THERE’S A DIRECT SEWAGE LINE BETWEEN THE MOST LOATHSOME, WRETCHED DEPTHS OF OBLIVION AND MY IMAGINATION, PUMPING DAEDRIC BODILY WASTES DIRECTLY INTO MY CONSCIOUS MIND WHEN I NEED IT THE LEAST!

MAYBE I’M JUST TRYING NOT TO THINK ABOUT THE RING, BUT THIS IS NOT A FUCKING IMPROVEMENT!

WHERE WAS I? OKAY. SO, THERE WAS NOTHING IN THE CAVE TRYING TO KILL ME. JUST A BUNCH OF MUMMIFIED BODIES IN FRONT OF A STATUE OF AZURA, AND IN THE STATUE’S HANDS WAS THE MOON-AND-STAR. I WALKED IN TO GRAB IT AND… AND I DON’T KNOW. I SAW IMAGES – I GUESS THE RELIGIOUS MORONS MIGHT CALL THEM VISIONS? JUST… MOSTLY OF DIFFERENT AREAS OF MORROWIND? EXCEPT THAT SOME OF THOSE PLACES I’VE NEVER BEEN. THERE’S A PART OF ME GOING, “YEAH, THIS IS ALL VVARDENFELL,” BUT I’M NOT SURE HOW MUCH I WANT TO FUCKING TRUST MYSTERIOUS DREAM CERTAINTY. AND AS ALL THIS WAS GOING ON, SHE SPOKE TO ME. AZURA, I MEAN. UNLIKE MOST DREAMS, I SEEM TO BE ABLE TO RECALL THIS ONE WORD-FOR-WORD: 

“NEREVAR REBORN, INCARNATE. YOUR FIRST THREE TRIALS ARE FINISHED. NOW, TWO NEW TRIALS LIE BEFORE YOU. SEEK THE ASHLANDER ASHKHANS AND THE GREAT HOUSE COUNCILORS. FOUR TRIBES MUST NAME YOU NEREVARINE. THREE HOUSES MUST NAME YOU HORTATOR. MY SERVANT, NIBANI MAESA, SHALL BE YOUR GUIDE. AND WHEN YOU ARE HORTATOR AND NEREVARINE, WHEN YOU HAVE STOOD BEFORE THE FALSE GODS AND FREED THE HEART FROM ITS PRISON, HEAL MY PEOPLE AND RESTORE MORROWIND. DO THIS FOR ME, AND WITH MY BLESSING.”

I RECOGNIZED THE VOICE FROM EARLIER DREAMS. NOT THE ONES WITH THAT ASSHOLE IN THE GOLDEN MASK (THE PART OF ME THAT THINKS IT’S A BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA TO JUST TRUST DREAM-CERTAINTY ASSURES ME THAT MASK-ASSHOLE IS DEFINITELY DAGOTH UR), BUT THE ONE ON THE BOAT OVER, WHEN SHE CLAIMED I WAS “CHOSEN”. 

WHEN I WAS FINALLY AWARE OF WHAT WAS GOING ON AROUND ME, THE RING WAS ALREADY ON MY FINGER AND THE CAVERN WAS FILLED WITH FUCKING GHOSTS. UNLIKE EVERY OTHER SPIRIT I’VE RUN INTO SINCE COMING HERE, NONE OF THESE WERE TRYING TO KILL ME (SERIOUSLY, WHY THE FUCK DO OTHER DUNMER WORSHIP THEIR ANCESTORS? AS FAR AS I CAN TELL, ANCESTORS ARE ALL INSANE, VIOLENT MANIACS!). INSTEAD THEY JUST WANTED TO CHAT. EACH ONE HAD A DIFFERENT SOB STORY ABOUT HOW THEY WERE ALL FUCKING FAILURES AS NEREVARINE. ONE OF THEM HADN’T EVEN BEEN TRYING FOR IT; SHE JUST FIT THE PROPHESIES, AND THEN DIED TRYING TO LOOT KOGORUHN SO SHE GOT STUCK IN THIS CAVE FOR ETERNITY STANDING AROUND AND WAITING FOR… ME. TO SHOW UP AND CHAT WITH, I GUESS. 

I GUESS THAT’S MORE MOTIVATION FOR PULLING THIS INSANITY OFF. IF I DON’T, I’LL END UP STUCK FOR ETERNITY WITH THESE DUMBASSES IN THIS FUCKING CAVE. 

THEY ALL HAD STUFF THEY WANTED TO GIVE ME. MOST OF IT WAS MAGIC, BUT SINCE SOME OF IT’S ALSO HEAVY MAGIC SHIT, NOT EVERYTHING’S COMING BACK WITH ME, SO I GUESS THE GHOSTS CAN KEEP IT. I’M SURE IT’LL BE JUST AS USEFUL TO THEM AS IT’S BEEN FOR THE LAST FEW CENTURIES, OR HOWEVER LONG THEY’VE BEEN STUCK IN THERE. 

THE THING IS, SINCE THAT HAPPENED, AND SINCE I PUT ON THIS FUCKING RING, I… I DON’T KNOW. I’VE FELT LIKE I’VE BEEN GOING INSANE PRETTY MUCH SINCE SETTING FOOT ON THIS ISLAND. THERE’S NO WAY I CAN BE A REINCARNATION OF THIS ANCIENT GENERAL ASSHOLE, RIGHT? EXCEPT HERE I AM WEARING HIS RING, AND AZURA SAYS I AM, AND DAGOTH UR SAYS I AM, AND I’M THE ONLY ONE THE CORPRUS CURE WOULD WORK ON, AND MAYBE THEY’RE ALL LYING AND THE RING DOESN’T WORK AND THE CURE THING IS COINCIDENCE AND THIS FEELING OF… OF ALMOST MEMORIES I’VE FELT IN THE BACK OF MY MIND IS JUST ME. LOSING IT. 

MAYBE THERE’S A POINT WHERE NOT BELIEVING SHIT LIKE THIS IS MORE INSANE THAN ACTUALLY BELIEVING IT. OR MAYBE JUST… A POINT WHERE SANITY JUST STOPS FUCKING MATTERING AT ALL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the quality of my art bugs me (I used to be much better, but I also used to practice more regularly), but then I remember that the character models for Morrowind look vaguely like the people are made of beef jerky, and that most of the time in Homestuck people don't even have arms, and I'm good. 
> 
> Obviously, I took some liberty with the ring getting on Karkat's finger, but that's roughly the sort of thing Bethesda leaves up to the player to decide about "how reality works", anyway. They never definitively say your character is the reincarnation of Indoril Nerevar (he is in my headlore). Does the ring really have death magic on it and it's just not coded because in the game, it'll never be worn by anyone but the player character, or is all that hype? (for me headcanon, the death magic is there, the "legendary powers of persuasion" are overblown hype that Nevervar himself encouraged because it meant people talking to him went into it expecting to get magically persuaded, which made his real abilities combined with the very modest boost of the ring more effective)
> 
> And then there are these ghosties. Were they fakes? Were they previous reincarnation attempts? If they were, how are they actually in this cave? In my mind, the magic items and the bodies really were there, but the ghosts were actually just hallucinations (something that hasn't occurred to Karkat yet) , but another player might have a different explanation (you pretty much can't kill them; their hit points are insane). 
> 
> Of course, there's the question of just how many Dunmer reincarnations can occur in the 3500-ish period since Nerevar was killed, but Dunmer lifespan is so incredibly wonky, anyway (The Real Barenziah repeats "1000 years," like its holy writ, but some of the material accompanying Morrowind indicated that for most family lines, 150-200 years is more the norm, suggesting that the more insane lifespans are just from certain families; Barenziah herself is showing her age in Morrowind, when she'd only be around 500-600, and she doesn't survive to Skyrim, but there are reasons besides old age that might have caused that). On top of that, Vivec was on the lookout for Nerevarines, so they tended to die young, anyway. I like to imagine that there are other failed Incarnates that didn't make it far enough to show up in the Cavern because they never made it far enough to even be aware of the prophesies (even the thief who died looting at least knew about them), and that awareness is an important trigger.


	8. A Modicum of Sense

11 HEARTHFIRE

ONCE I GOT BACK TO THE URSHILAKU TRIBE I SPOKE WITH SUL-MATUUL AGAIN. HE DECIDED TO TAKE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TALK MY POINTED FUCKING EAR OFF ABOUT THE EXACT SAME RELIGIOUS SHIT I’VE BEEN ROLLING AROUND IN FOR THE PAST COUPLE OF MONTHS. WAIT. MONTHS? I GOT HERE ON THE 16TH. IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN ONE FUCKING MONTH SINCE I’VE BEEN ON THIS ISLAND? HOW THE FUCK IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?? SOMEONE NEEDS TO GO HAVE A TALK WITH AKATOSH, BECAUSE I THINK HE’S LETTING TIME FUCK ALL TO PIECES AGAIN.

IN THE MIDDLE OF ALL SUL-MATUUL’S BABLING ABOUT YES, I SURE DID PASS THAT THIRD TRIAL, HOW ABOUT FUCKING HELPIMG ME WITH THE FIFTH AND NAMING ME NEREVARINE? HE ACTUALLY, SHOCKINGLY, MANAGED TO MAKE A GOOD POINT. THE TEMPLE HAS BEEN PRETTY IMPRESSIVELY HOSTILE TO THESE GUYS AND THE WHOLE NEREVARINE MYTH, AND SINCE A BIG PART OF THESE GUYS WHOLE BELIEF SYSTEM BEFORE, LIKE, TODAY WAS, “OH, YEAH, AND THE NEREVARINE’S GOING TO GO KICK THE EMPIRE OUT, TOO,” THE EMPIRE HASN’T BEEN DOING ANYTHING TO CURB THAT. IF I GET NAMED NEREVARINE BEFORE I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO WITH THE GREAT HOUSES, IT’LL PROBABLY MAKE GETTING AROUND THE MARGINALLY-MORE-CIVILIZED PARTS OF THIS ISLAND A LOT HARDER. SO I’LL DO THAT FIRST. DEAL WITH THE TRIBES LATER. 

SINCE I WAS FORCED TO ADMIT THAT WHAT SUL-MATUUL HAD TO SAY ACTUALLY MADE A MODICUM OF SENSE, I TOLD HIM TO HOLD OFF ON NAMING ME NEREVARINE FOR HIS TRIBE AND WENT TO TALK TO NIBANI INSTEAD. 

BOTH OF NIBANI AND SUL-MATUUL SEEM TO THINK I SHOULD TRY WITH HOUSE REDORAN FIRST. WHILE THEY MIGHT THE MOST DEVOUT OF THE HOUSES (OUTSIDE OF INDORIL, BUT FUCK INDORIL, THEY HAVE THEIR HEADS SO FAR UP TRIBUNAL ASS THAT THEIR DIET CONSISTS ENTIRELY OF DEITY SHIT), THEY’RE ALSO A STRAIGHT FORWARD WARRIOR HOUSE, AND THESE PRIMITIVES CAN UNDERSTAND THAT SORT OF THINKING BEST. *I’M* GOING TO START WITH HLAALU, THOUGH, BECAUSE THEY’RE THE MOST IMPERIAL-INFLUENCED HOUSE, AND *I* CAN UNDERSTAND *THAT* SORT OF THINKING BEST. THAT, AND I’D RATHER PUT OFF SUBJECTING MYSELF TO THE STENCH OF THE REDORAN CRAB-HOUSES A LITTLE LONGER. I’LL DEAL WITH TELVANNI LAST BECAUSE… FUCKING WIZARDS, THAT’S WHY. 

NIBANI ALSO SAID SHE HAD A DREAM ABOUT ANOTHER THING I CAN DO TO HELP OUR SIDE AND SCREW OVER DAGOTH UR, AND SURE, WHY THE FUCK SHOULDN’T I FOLLOW THE DREAM ADVICE OF STRANGE OLD LADIES? SHE SAID THAT UR IS SPREADING HIS INFLUENCE THROUGH ASH STATUES THAT LET HIM SEND MORE DREAMS TO MORE PEOPLE AND EITHER TURN THE POOR GUAR-FUCKERS INTO FANATICS OR JUST DRIVE THEM CRAZY. ER. THAN THEY ALREADY WERE, SINCE “CRAZY’S” A PRETTY FUCKING RELATIVE TERM AROUND HERE. SHE SAID THAT IF I CAN GET THE GREAT HOUSES, THE EMPIRE, AND THE TEMPLE (YOU KNOW, THOSE GUYS WHO ARE ABOUT TO BE MY *BEST* *FRIENDS* HERE REAL SOON) TO GET TOGETHER AND BAN THE THINGS, DAGOTH UR SHOULD HAVE FEWER TROOPS WHEN EVERYTHING HITS THE CLOCKWORK-POWERED WHIRLING DEVICE, AND WE’LL HAVE MORE. 

OF COURSE, GETTING THE GREAT HOUSES, THE TEMPLE, AND THE EMPIRE TO ALL AGREE ON THE SAME THING SHOULD QUALIFY ME AS A FIGURE OF LEGEND ALL BY ITSELF. 

AND… FUCK! I *HAD* ONE OF THOSE STATUES, TOO, AFTER KOGORUHN! I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, SO I JUST SOLD THE THING, AND NOW I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER WHO I SOLD IT TO! I GUESS I’LL JUST HAVE TO HOPE THAT POOR IDIOT CAN HOLD OUT MENTALLY UNTIL THEY GET BANNED, AND THAT IT’S ACTUALLY THE SORT OF MERCHANT THAT GIVES A FUCK WHETHER THEY’RE CARRYING CONTRABAND OR NOT. THEY PROBABLY WON’T. NOT THE WAY THESE PEOPLE TRADE IN “ILLEGAL” DWEMER ARTIFACTS. IT REALLY MAKES IT THAT MUCH MORE AMAZING THAT THESE DUNG-MUNCHERS ACTUALLY FOLLOW THE LAWS ON SKOOMA (AT LEAST THE ONES WITHOUT FUR DO). 

SINCE I’VE GOT TO TALK TO ALL THE GREAT HOUSES OVER THIS HORTATOR NONSENSE, I FIGURE I’LL DEAL WITH THE ASH STATUE THING AT THE SAME TIME.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, look, a [side story.](http://archiveofourown.org/works/887653) I'm jumping the gun a little, date-wise, but it's close enough that you can pretty much see coming anything mentioned in that story. 
> 
> Man, those stupid ash statues. I did that quest, thinking, "Maybe it'll be like that part in Oblivion, where the number of troops you have for the big battle of the great gate depends on the number of cities you helped leading up to that!" Hahaha NOPE. But it gives me a few opportunities to have Karkat rant about Morrowind politics, so there's still an up-side.


	9. We're All Assholes, Try the Human

11 HEARTHFIRE CONTINUED

I WAS TOLD THAT HLAALU’S COUNCIL SEAT IS BALMORA, BUT THOSE KWAMA-SLIME SNIFFERS SHUT ME DOWN WITHOUT EVEN GIVING ME A CHANCE TO TALK. THE ONLY THING I COULD GET OUT OF ANYONE THERE WAS THAT IF I WANTED ANYTHING FROM THE HLAALU, COUNCILOR CRASSIUS CURIO IN VIVEC WAS MY BEST BET. THAT’S AN IMPERIAL NAME IF EVER I’VE HEARD ONE, WHICH MEANS THAT EVEN THE FUCKING HOUSE DUNMER ARE FLAT OUT ADMITTING THAT THE MOST REASONABLE ONE AMONG THEM IS A SCRIB-SUCKING IMPERIAL. “WE’RE ALL ASSHOLES, TRY TALKING TO THE HUMAN.” RIGHT, THEN! GOT IT!

I’M SURE EXISTENCE WILL FIND SOME OTHER WAY TO MAKE DEALING WITH THIS FUCKASS A COMPLETELY MISERABLE EXPERIENCE, BUT AT LEAST HE’S *PROBABLY* NOT GOING TO BRUSH ME OFF FOR HAVING AN IMPERIAL ACCENT. I SUPPOSE HE MIGHT DO IT BECAUSE I’M A DUNMER, INSTEAD, BUT IF HE HAD A HABIT OF DOING THAT TO DUNMER, HE PROBABLY WOULDN’T HAVE MADE IT AS A HLAALU COUNCILOR. HOW THE FUCK *DID* A HUMAN GET IN THAT POSITION, ANYWAY? I KNOW THAT HLAALU IS SUPPOSED TO THE MOST IMPERIAL-HAPPY HOUSE, BUT THIS IS STILL PRETTY SURPRISING. 

ANYWAY, BACK TO THE BUG-STATION TO CATCH A RIDE TO VIVEC. WASTE OF GODS-DAMNED FUCKING TIME COMING HERE. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I generally tried to make most entries correspond to times when he would be able to sit down and write, so in cities/towns/Ashlander camps, etc. Thus, when he's spending most of his time in civilization you end up with fairly pointless check-ins like this one, and then you get much larger entries elsewhere when a bunch of stuff happened, but not in places where I felt he'd ICly sit down to write about it. ¬_¬
> 
> Also, we are coming up on my FAVORITE NPC in the game! :D (My favorite. Karkat's... not so much.)


	10. Heretic

_Starting with this entry, the journal is written in[third sermon](http://uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:36_Lessons_of_Vivec,_Sermon_3) of the 36 Lessons of Vivec. It's worth noting that this is not the copy which was used to work through the sermons' coded messages; it would appear that the Nerevarine had multiple copies of some of the sermons, though as with many of the other books used for the Journals, they appeared to be picked up at random._

12 HEARTHFIRE

BY SANGUINE’S ETERNALLY FUCKING COCK, EVERY WORD OUT OF THAT DOUCHE’S MOUTH IS A COME-ON! I HAVE NEVER BEEN CALLED SO MANY STOMACH-CHURNING PET NAMES IN SUCH A SHORT PERIOD OF TIME IN MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE, WHICH IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING CONSIDERING SOME OF THE STEREOTYPES HUMANS HAVE ABOUT YOUNG DUNMER! I FELT *FILTHY* JUST BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS THAT SCRIB-LICKER! IT WAS ALL I COULD DO TO KEEP FROM DRAWING MY WEAPON JUST SO I HAD *SOMETHING* BETWEEN ME AND HIM IN CASE HE TRIED MAKING AN ACTUAL MOVE. I’M PRETTY SURE SENDING PEOPLE TO GO SPEAK TO *THIS* GUY MUST BE PART OF SOME BIG PRACTICAL JOKE HOUSE HLAALU PLAYS ON PEOPLE THEY DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH TO GET THEM TO FUCK OFF. 

AS IT TURNS OUT, BETWEEN THE CONSTANT PET NAMES, HUNGRY LOOKS, AND REQUESTS THAT I CALL HIM “UNCLE CRASSIUS” (OH FUCK NO), I DID MANAGE TO GET THE USUAL “HELP ME OUT AND I’LL HELP YOU,” REQUEST OUT OF HIM. THANKFULLY, HIS TASK DIDN’T INVOLVE HIS BED IN ANY WAY. HE CLAIMED THAT HE WASN’T SURE IT’S A GOOD IDEA TO DECLARE A NON-HLAALU TO BE HLAALU HORTATOR, SO I HAD TO PROVE THAT I WAS WILLING TO DO SOMETHING TO BENEFIT THEM. NEVERMIND THAT MY ENTIRE MISSION BENEFITS EVERY MALFORMED *MORON* ON THIS ISLAND, OF COURSE. SO INSTEAD HE ASKED ME TO SPEAK TO THE ZAINAB ASHLANDER CAMP AND CONVINCE THEM TO ONLY SELL EBONY THROUGH HLAALU, WHICH SOUNDS… SLEAZY, BUT LEGAL. I NEED TO LEARN MY WAY AROUND THAT AREA, ANYWAY. 

WHILE I WAS THERE, I ALSO ASKED CURIO ABOUT BANNING ASH STATUES. HE SAID HE WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO GET THE REST OF THE COUNCIL TO BAN THEM WITHOUT PROOF THAT THEY’RE A PROBLEM, AND SUGGESTED I TALK TO SOMEONE CALLED “VELFRED THE OUTLAW” NEAR HLA OAD (WHO THE *FUCK* CALLS THEMSELVES “THE OUTLAW”, ANYWAY? THAT CAN’T POSSIBLY BE A FAMILY NAME, SINCE ANY FAMILY STUPID ENOUGH TO ACTUALLY HOLD ONTO A NAME LIKE THAT WOULD HAVE DIED OUT GENERATIONS AGO). THAT WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR LATER, THOUGH, SINCE IT’S IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION FROM THE ZAINAB CAMP.

I FIGURED WHILE I WAS IN VIVEC I MIGHT AS WELL TRY TO TALK TO SOMEONE IN THE TEMPLE ABOUT THE ASH STATUES, TOO. YOU’D THINK THAT BECAUSE IT INVOLVES OPPRESSING SOMEONE ELSE’S RELIGION, THE FUCKERS WOULD BE ALL OVER THAT, BUT AS IT TURNS OUT, THEIR NEED TO GIVE ME A METAPHORICAL MIDDLE FINGER OUTWEIGHED THEIR NEED TO ACTUALLY DEAL WITH THIS “SOUL SICKNESS” PROBLEM THAT’S BEEN SPREADING IN MORROWIND. 

THE GOOD NEWS IS IT DOESN’T LOOK LIKE ANYONE RECOGNIZED ME FROM THAT LITTLE BREAK-IN AT THE MINISTRY OF TRUTH. THE BAD NEWS IS THEY’VE STILL HEARD I’M TRYING TO GET NAMED NEREVARINE AND SO HAVE DECLARED ME A HERETIC. THEY ALSO WAVED AROUND SOME ACCUSATIONS ABOUT ME BEING AN IMPERIAL AGENT, WHICH IS TECHNICALLY TRUE, I GUESS, EVEN IF MY CURRENT ORDERS ARE “FULFILL INSANE PROPHESIES, SAVE MORROWIND.” I’M GOING TO ASSUME SOMEONE MANAGED TO READ THE PRISONER TRANSPORT PAPERWORK AND ADD TWO AND TWO TOGETHER, DEMONSTRATING THAT AT LEAST SOMEONE IN THEIR ORGANIZATION IS CAPABLE OF THE MOST BASIC LEVELS OF DEDUCTIVE REASONING. I ALSO SUSPECT THAT EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE WAVING THE WHOLE IMPERIAL CONNECTION AROUND AS PROOF OF MY WRONGDOING, IT’S THE ONLY REASON THEY DIDN’T ARREST ME THE MOMENT I WALKED IN THEIR OFFICE. THAT SEEMS TO BE THE *USUAL* WAY OF DEALING WITH HERETICS, AFTER ALL. I SHOULD PROBABLY BE CAREFUL IF I RUN INTO ANY OF THOSE GOLD-MASKED TRIBUNAL BOOTLICKERS ANYWHERE THERE ISN’T A TON OF WITNESSES, THOUGH. 

FOR NOW, I’LL JUST HAVE TO HOPE THE HOUSES CAN BE MORE REASONABLE ABOUT THOSE DREAM STATUES. IF THE HOUSES ALL BAN THEM, WHO CARES IF THE TEMPLE DOES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, the Ordinators are really pretty chill about someone wanted for heresy waltzing into their main offices and making requests. I mean, sure, they spit at you and stuff, but that's pretty mild, all things considered. I think one side effect of just charging through the main quest and not messing with much on the side is that you don't really end up building up enough of an infamy score (or however this game handles it) to reach, "Attack on sight" level with these guys, even when you're supposed to be actively persecuted. 
> 
> "Avoiding open conflict with the Blades" probably works as decent in-character justification, though.
> 
> Anyway, I know I've slowed down my posting pace over what it was, and I'm probably going to slow down further, though it's unlikely to get much slower than once a week. I've got a vacation coming up, then I go back to school, and I've got some projects I need to get started on. No real worries about an extended hiatus with this, though, since it's mostly already written. I just go back through, try and figure out if any sections need to be made Karkattier, and add art where I feel like it.


	11. Bureaucratic Runaround: The Tent Edition

13 HEARTHFIRE

DEALING WITH THE ZAINAB MOSTLY INVOLVED RUNNING AROUND FROM ONE PERSON TO THE NEXT, LETTING THEM TALK MY FUCKING EAR OFF, AND THEN HAVING THAT PERSON TELL ME, “OH, I DON’T DEAL WITH THAT, ANYWAY, GO TALK TO THIS OTHER FUCKASS.” ON TOP OF THAT, THEIR ASHKHAN KEPT WANTING TO ASK ABOUT THE NEREVARINE BUSINESS, TOO, WHICH, YEAH, I GET HIS INTEREST, BUT I’M NOT DIVING INTO THAT PARTICULAR SHIT-PILE UNTIL I’M HORTATOR. AT LEAST HE SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND THAT. 

SINCE THE ZAINAB TRIBE IS PRETTY MUCH THE HLAALU OF THE ASHLANDS, THEIR IDEA OF THE PERFECT “TRADITIONAL FRIENDLY GIFT” IS MONEY. OH, HEY! GUESS WHAT? THOSE OF US WHO BELIEVE IN THINGS LIKE *WALLS* AND *FLOORS* AND SHIT HAVE THAT EXACT SAME TRADITION! ONLY WE FUCKING CALL IT “BRIBERY”. IT MADE THESE SAVAGES PRETTY EASY TO DEAL WITH, THOUGH, SINCE I’VE GOT A LOT OF EXTRA SEPTIMS FROM SELLING THE LOOT FROM KOGORUHN AND THE OTHER RUINS AND CAVES PEOPLE KEEP SENDING ME TO. EVEN THE WAY THESE GUYS KEPT SENDING ME TO TALK TO SOME OTHER JERKASS WAS FAMILIAR. IT WAS LIKE BUREAUCRATIC RUNAROUND: THE TENT EDITION. 

ONCE I FINALLY GOT TO THE PERSON I NEEDED TO TALK TO (WHO TURNED OUT TO BE, OF COURSE, THE ASHKHAN, THE SAME ASSHOLE I *STARTED* WITH), IT WASN’T TOO HARD TO CONVINCE HIM TO SELL TO THE HLAALU. I JUST POINTED OUT THAT IF THE EMPIRE HAS TWO SOURCES OF EBONY TO BUY FROM, THE PRICES AREN’T GOING TO BE AS HIGH. IF THE ZAINAB GOES THROUGH HLAALU, HLAALU CAN CHARGE MORE, AND THE ZAINAB CAN GET MORE. OF COURSE, I FEEL KIND OF LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE THAN NORMAL FOR EXPLAINING TO THESE FUCKERS HOW TO RIP OFF THE EMPIRE. MEANWHILE, THERE THEY ARE, STANDING AROUND GIVING THEMSELVES A CONGRATULATORY STROKE ONE MINUTE AND THEN BITCHING ABOUT IMPERIAL TAXES THE NEXT, LIKE IT DOESN’T OCCUR TO ANY OF THESE GUYS THAT THIS IS *HOW* THE EMPIRE GETS THE FUCKING MONEY TO PAY THEIR INFLATED PRICES TO BEGIN WITH. 

WHEN I GOT BACK TO VIVEC CITY, CURIO MANAGED TO COME UP WITH EVEN *MORE* IDIOTIC PET NAMES FOR ME. “EXQUISITE VULNERABILITY”? “LITTLE FLOWER”? REALLY? FUCKING REALLY? AND THAT’S NOT EVEN GETTING INTO HIS FINAL REQUEST BEFORE GIVING ME HIS VOTE FOR HORTATOR. I HAD TO STOP AT THE NEAREST TAVERN FOR A COUPLE CUPS OF FLINN JUST TO WASH THE TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH, AND MY STOMACH’S STILL CHURNING. DRINKING MAY NOT BE THE GREATEST IDEA WHEN I’VE STILL GOT TO TALK TO SEVERAL *OTHER* COUNCILORS AND SECURE *THEIR* VOTES, BUT FUCK IT. I’VE BEEN TOLD I’M A BELLIGERENT DRUNK, BUT ONLY BY ASSHOLES WHO DON’T KNOW ME WELL ENOUGH TO REALIZE I’M FUCKING BELLIGERENT SOBER. BESIDES, TWO DRINKS AREN’T GOING TO DO MUCH. 

THE ONE GOOD THING TO COME OUT OF THAT WHOLE ENCOUNTER WITH CRASSIUS IS THAT HE WAS PRETTY FREE WITH ADVICE ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THE OTHER HLAALU COUNCILORS. YNGLING HALF-TROLL IS ANOTHER FOREIGNER AND AN ASSHOLE AND I’M TOLD NONE OF THE OTHERS WILL SHED ANY TEARS IF I JUST MURDER THE FUCKASS, SO I’LL KEEP THAT IN MIND AS “PLAN B”. DRAM BERO IS PARANOID, HARD TO FIND, BUT PROBABLY HONEST. CURIO ISN’T SURE WHERE IN VIVEC HE LIVES, BUT I’VE HEARD SOME RUMORS THAT HE’S BEEN SEEN IN THE PLAZA AREA OF THE ST OLMS CANTON, SO I’LL START THERE. THE LAST TWO COUNCILORS ARE IN THE POCKET OF ORVAS DREN. ORVAS IS HEAD OF THE CAMONNA TONG AND THE BROTHER OF VVARDENFELL’S IMPERIAL DUKE, BUT HE ALSO FUCKING LOATHES THE EMPIRE. HE’S ALREADY LET HIS PET COUNCILORS KNOW HE DOESN’T WANT ME HORTATOR, SO I’LL HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM FIRST IF I WANT TO GET ANYWHERE WITH THE LAST TWO. 

FUCK, THIS SHIT IS GETTING CONVOLUTED. I MIGHT HAVE TO DRAW UP A DIAGRAM JUST TO KEEP ALL THIS STRAIGHT. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suspect some of my own attitudes towards taxation and government contracting might be leaking through here. >_>
> 
> And poor Karkat fails to realize that by not actually mentioning what Curio's request was but adding that he went right to a bar for a drink, he makes it sound much worse than it actually is. ("Exquisite vulnerability," bwahahahahaha!)


	12. Political Faction Shipping

13 HEARTHFIRE, CONTINUED

FUCK IT. THIS LOOKS TERRIBLE, AND I WASTED ONE OF THE FEW ACTUAL BLANK PIECES OF PAPER I MANAGED TO GET AHOLD OF. I TRIED TO USE THE SAME COLOR CODES NEPETA LIKES TO USE WHEN TRACKING WHO’S LOVE-FUCKING WHO (BECAUSE WHY BOTHER TRACKING JUST PLAIN FUCKING?) AND WHO JUST FUCKING HATES WHO. ANYWAY, KIND OF THINK OF IT AS THE SAME THING HERE, ONLY WITH POLITICS INSTEAD OF PEOPLE – RED LINES MEANS ONE GROUP SEEMS TO LIKE ANOTHER, OR AT LEAST WORKS TOGETHER MORE OR LESS PRODUCTIVELY, BLACK MEANS THE GROUPS ACTIVELY HATE EACH OTHER. THERE’S A LOT LEFT OUT, EITHER BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW IT, OR BECAUSE IT’S OBVIOUS AND WOULD INVOLVE WAY TOO MANY FUCKING LINES CLUTTERING UP AN ALREADY CLUTTERED PIECE OF SHIT. ANYONE OPERATING LEGALLY LEARNS TO PLAY NICE WITH THE EMPIRE EVEN IF THEY HATE THEM, IT’S JUST THAT MORE EXTREME HATE MIGHT CAUSE PROBLEMS FOR *ME* IF I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THOSE PEOPLE. AND I PROBABLY WILL. AND DAGOTH UR SEEMS TO HATE EVERYONE THAT DOESN’T WANT TO FALL IN LINE WITH HIS PLANS, HE JUST ALSO HAPPENS TO HAVE A FEW EXTRA SPECIAL HATES. OR PEOPLE HE CLAIMS TO LIKE WHILE SENDING ASH MONSTERS AFTER THEM IN THEIR SLEEP. THAT SORT OF THING.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morrowind political faction shipping chart. >_>
> 
> There's something about the Empire's symbol being a diamond that amuses me. I mean, yeah, the Empire was formed initially through conquest (for the most part; Morrowind came in under treaty and managed to find a way to make sure their entering the Empire screwed over the Altmer as hard as possible), but once it was formed, the more benevolent Emperors tended to make it their purpose to keep the various provinces from fighting with each other. In other words, the Empire wants to be everyone's moirail. 
> 
> As a side note, one of the lore-screwiest things about the Elder Scrolls Online set up kind of relates to that. The game has nine of the provinces teaming up in groups of three provinces each by region, but typically in Tamriel when there's no strong central authority, it's not, "Team up with your closest neighbor to go fight the guys on the other end of the continent," it's "try to take over your neighbor." But... eh, it's set in the middle of the second age, the second age was a couple thousand years (I think), so I guess in that long of a stretch, there's time for every possible ally-arrangement to have happened for a short while.


	13. Half-Troll

13 HEARTHFIRE, CONTINUED

TO THE ETERNAL REGRET OF MYSELF, HOUSE HLAALU, MORROWIND, AND THE EMPIRE AS A WHOLE, I DID NOT KILL YNGLING HALF-TROLL, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE GENUINELY DESERVES TO BE FLAYED WITH BONES TORN FROM HIS OWN BODY AND THEN CRACKED AND SHATTERED FOR SUFFICIENTLY SHARP EDGES. I AT LEAST *TRY* TO KEEP THE NUMBER OF GUARDS, WATCHMEN, AND VARIOUS LEGAL ENFORCERS THAT ATTACK ME ON SIGHT TO A MINIMUM, WHICH MEANS WAITING FOR THE OTHER PERSON TO ATTACK ME FIRST BEFORE KILLING THE ASSHOLES. HALF-TROLL MAY BE A PARTICULARLY LOATHSOME EXAMPLE OF A LIVING BEING, A CREATURE SO MENTALLY DEFICIENT THAT IT’S A WONDER THE CENSUS-TAKERS KNOW TO CATEGORIZE HIM AS ONE OF THE CITIZEN-RACES, BUT HE APPARENTLY KNOWS BETTER THAN TO ATTACK ME OUTRIGHT. 

INSTEAD, HE FLAT OUT REFUSED TO EVEN *TALK* TO ME UNTIL I KILLED SOME BLIGHTED RATS THAT SOMEONE HAD SNUCK IN AMONG THE RATS HE TRAINS FOR ARENA COMPETITIONS. HE WAS PROBABLY WORRIED ABOUT LOSING THE ONLY CREATURES ON HIS PROPERTY HE COULD ACTUALLY FUCKING OUTSMART. SO I’M BACK TO FUCKING RAT EXTERMINATING. I GUESS THERE ARE SOME THINGS THAT AN “ADVENTURER” JUST NEVER OUTGROWS. 

I ACTUALLY DID IT, BECAUSE WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I BE WORRIED ABOUT SOME DISEASED RATS? I’M IMMUNE, ANYWAY. AND REGARDLESS OF MY ACTUAL *DESIRE* TO TALK TO HIM, I STILL *NEEDED* TO TALK TO HIM. THEN WHEN I WENT BACK UPSTAIRS, THE GUAR-HUMPING COCKSUCKER JUST LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF AND TOLD ME HE JUST WANTED TO SEE IF I’D BE WILLING TO DO IT BEFORE DEMANDING A HUGE BRIBE FOR HIS VOTE INSTEAD. 

IT WAS ONLY THROUGH A LEVEL OF SELF-RESTRAINT AND WILLPOWER THAT I DID NOT PREVIOUSLY REALIZE I EVEN POSSESSED THAT I DIDN’T KILL HIM ON THE SPOT. THAT AND THE FACT THAT WHEN THE ASSHOLE GAVE ME THE KEY TO HIS BASEMENT TO KILL THE FUCKING RATS, I WAS ABLE TO ABSCOND WITH A LEDGER SHOWING HE’S BEEN STEALING MONEY FROM THE TRIBUNAL TEMPLE. I CAN’T GIVE THIS TO THE TEMPLE DIRECTLY, SINCE RIGHT NOW THEY’D IGNORE IT JUST TO FUCKING SPITE ME, BUT I’M SURE I CAN FIND *SOMEONE* IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY WHO’LL BE INTERESTED IN THIS THING, AND THE THOUGHT OF THE FUCKING ORDINATORS COMING DOWN ON HIS ASS JUST WHEN HE THINKS HE’S SAFE WOULD KEEP ME WARM AT NIGHT, IF I EVER SLEPT. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Normally on weeks when I only get one entry posted, it'll be on the weekend, but currently I'm on vacation, so I haven't even turned on the computer for the last few days.
> 
> (This is not to say I'm not still addicted to online. I have a tablet. I'm just not posting this stuff from my tablet.)
> 
> In canon, for all that Karkat sometimes talks up his violence and bloodthirstiness (or, occasionally, adorabloodthistiness), he _never_ starts an attack against something he doesn't deem a "monster" (we know he killed his denizen, which he justified with "monsters are for slaying," or something similarly phrased). Translating this to Elder Scrolls makes him somewhat less violent than your "standard" Elder Scrolls hero (whatever that may count as). There's one point in the game where the issue is forced and you literally can't advanced without starting the attack, but that's not against Mr. Half-Troll (even if every other Hlaalu member you run into encourages you to just kill the guy).
> 
> I never run the quest that the ledger is called for, so I never had anyone to give it to, but in my head he eventually hands it off to someone and Half-Troll gets dragged up to the Ministry of Truth for a little visit. :)


	14. Haunted House

13 HEARTHFIRE, CONTINUED

THE THIRD HLAALU COUNCILOR, DRAM BERO, WAS HIDING AWAY UNDERNEATH A SUPPOSEDLY “HAUNTED” MANOR IN ST OLMS PLAZA, BUT SINCE NOTHING FUCKING ATTACKED ME WHILE I WAS IN THERE, I’M GOING TO ASSUME THE NOISES WERE SOME SORT OF TRICK. PROBABLY FUCKING ILLUSION MAGIC OR SOMETHING MORONIC LIKE THAT. I WILL SAY THIS FOR BERO, THOUGH: FOR A PARANOID ASSHOLE TALKING TO SOMEONE WHO HAD JUST FUCKING LOCKPICKED THEIR WAY PAST HIS DEFENSES (THANKS TO A LITTLE HELP FROM COSADES’ MAGIC RING), HE WAS ACTUALLY HALFWAY DECENT TO DEAL WITH. I ONLY SAY HALFWAY, BECAUSE HE *DID* MAKE ME GO BEAT UP HIS NORD BODYGUARD IN THE VIVEC ARENA BEFORE HE’D GIVE ME HIS VOTE. SOMETHING ABOUT HOW FINDING HIM AND GETTING CURIO’S VOTE SHOWS I’M “CLEVER”, BUT HE WANTS TO MAKE SURE I’M STRONG, TOO. I’M SURE IT’S GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH WANTING TO WATCH TWO OUTLANDERS KICK EACH OTHER’S ASSES FOR HIS PERSONAL ENTERTAINMENT. IF I WERE THE BODYGUARD, I’D BE LOOKING FOR A NEW JOB; HE’S GETTING PAID TO GET HURT OR KILLED, SURE, BUT IT’S *SUPPOSED* TO BE TO PROTECT BERO, NOT FOR FUCKING ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES. THE NORD SEEMED TO THINK ANY EXCUSE FOR A FIGHT WAS A GOOD ONE, THOUGH (SO HE WAS PRETTY MUCH A TYPICAL NORD), AT LEAST UNTIL I BEAT HIS ASS INTO THE GROUND. 

BERO DID EVENTUALLY GIVE ME HIS VOTE, THOUGH, AND EVEN ADDED SOME ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH THE OTHER COUNCILORS. OF COURSE, IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING ADVICE THAT CRASSIUS ALREADY GAVE ME, BUT AT LEAST BERO GAVE IT BECAUSE HE THINKS I’M A DANGEROUS MOTHERFUCKER AND NOT BECAUSE HE THINKS I’M “ADORABLE.” ADORABLOODTHIRSTY, MAYBE! NOT ADORABLE! IF I HAD KNOWN THIS GUY WOULD BE THIS HELPFUL, I’D HAVE SKIPPED CRASSIUS AND HIS FUCKING PET NAMES AND COME-ONS. I AM *NOBODY’S* MUFFIN!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think one of the game play mechanics I miss the most from old Daggerfall is the fact that in that game, you can actually just beat a locked door open with a weapon. I really don't view Karkat as the sneaky lockpicking type, but there are times when you just have to get past a locked door to move forward (and odds are if there _is_ a key, you also have to be a sneaky type to get that key). Beating down the damned doors would be so much more in character!
> 
> Do they bring back the "violence against locked doors" option for Skyrim? That option was awesome. Oh, well, I bet there's a mod for it.
> 
> There may be one for Morrowind, but as I've mentioned, Morrowind mods have gotten a lot harder to find because some of the websites where they were stored went under. Maybe the release of the Morrowind Construction Set with the anthology will result in a bunch of new ones, though. That'd be kind of cool.


	15. Slaves

14 HEARTHFIRE

I FOUND THE DREN PLANTATION WITHOUT TOO MUCH TROUBLE, SINCE THIS IS THE PART OF VVARDENFELL THAT THE EMPIRE GOT AROUND TO PAVING. WANDERING AROUND IN THE FUCKING ASHLANDS HAS TAUGHT ME TO GET A LOT BETTER WITH MY MAPS, THAT’S FOR SURE. I FEEL A LITTLE WEIRD SEEING ALL THESE SLAVES AROUND, THOUGH. MAYBE IF I WERE A *REAL* DUNMER, I’D BE ALL FOR IT, BUT SINCE I SEEM TO BE BASICALLY AN IMPERIAL IN A DUNMER SUIT, I JUST THINK ABOUT HOW… SURE, THE IDIOTS I HUNG OUT WITH MAY HAVE BEEN A COLLECTION OF THE MOST PATHETIC LOSERS EVER TO BE SHAT OUT INTO ARENA BY THE COMBINED HOSTILE AND APATHETIC FORCES THAT MADE THIS UNWANTED FAILURE OF A PLANE, BUT THEY WERE STILL MY FUCKING FRIENDS, AND SOME OF THEM WERE KHAJIIT AND ARGONIAN. SURE, THOSE GUYS ARE MOSTLY IDIOTS, BUT MOST PEOPLE ARE MOSTLY IDIOTS! SEEING ASSHOLES NOT MUCH DIFFERENT FROM MY FRIENDS AS PROPERTY FEELS STRANGE, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE PEOPLE OWNING THE SLAVES ARE USUALLY THE BIGGEST ASSHOLES AROUND.

CASE IN POINT: ORVAS FUCKING DREN, BROTHER OF THE DUKE OF VVARDENFELL AND HEAD OF THE CAMONNA TONG. THIS KWAMA-HUMPER HAD ALREADY THROWN IN WITH DAGOTH UR AND ATTACKED ME WHEN I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM ABOUT LETTING HIS POCKET COUNCILORS VOTE FOR ME AS HORTATOR. I FINISHED HIM OFF WITHOUT MUCH TROUBLE, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HIS MORON OF A BODYGUARD WAS STANDING RIGHT DOWNSTAIRS. *THAT* IDIOT EVEN LET ME MARCH RIGHT PAST HIM TO CHECK OUT THE REST OF DREN’S MANOR. 

SPEAKING OF THAT, IT LOOKS LIKE ORVAS KEPT A COUPLE OF ASSASSINS ON CALL AND LIVING IN HIS BASEMENT. THOSE GUYS DIDN’T EVEN TRY TALKING FIRST, AND PUT UP MORE FIGHT THAN DREN DID, BUT THAT WAS ONLY BECAUSE ONE OF THEM HAD A FUCKING PARALYZING DAGGER. AS IT TURNS OUT, THEY STILL WEREN’T VERY *GOOD* ASSASSINS, SINCE THEY COULDN’T EVEN MANAGE TO FINISH ME OFF DURING THE MOMENTS I WAS FUCKING FROZEN IN PLACE! ONCE THEY WERE DEAD I FOUND A NOTE IN THEIR ROOM THAT SUGGESTS ORVAS WAS PLANNING TO KILL OFF HIS BROTHER AND THEN TAKE OVER FOR HIMSELF. I GRABBED THE THING, JUST IN CASE THE DUKE DECIDES TO ASK WHY I KILLED HIS BROTHER, BUT I’M BETTING DUKE VEDAM ALREADY KNOWS THE GUY’S A MURDEROUS LUNATIC. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just kind of feel that an Imperial City-raised boy would be vaguely uncomfortable with Morrowind's slavery, especially if he had Khajiit and Argonian friends. 
> 
> I rather suspect that Dren's bodyguard would have been a bit less of an idiot in the later games, although maybe not. I just kept walking right past him, killed everyone else in the manor, and he just stood around and let me. 
> 
> I think I should do another picture soon. Karkat grabbed an ebony cuirass here that was the last cuirass he had for the longest time. My headcanon has his cuirass as having red trim instead of yellow like in the game. >_> The rest of his armor continues to be a mish-mashed mess, but that's partially because ebony is so damned heavy that I was constantly trying to find a balance between protectiveness and still being able to carry shit.


	16. Soft-Hearted Sap

15 HEARTHFIRE

THE LAST TWO COUNCILORS, OMANI AND ULES, SEEMED DOWNRIGHT EAGER TO MAKE ME HAPPY WHEN I SPOKE TO THEM ABOUT THEIR VOTES. OF COURSE, I *HAD* JUST KILLED THE HEAD OF THE CAMONNA TON-

DOGFUCKING HIRCINE! *I* KILLED THE HEAD OF THE CAMONNA TONG? NO WONDER THOSE TWO WERE FUCKING FREAKING OUT! *I’M* FREAKING OUT! HOW THE FUCK DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN?!

FUCK! CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, YOU DICK-SNIFFING MORON! HERE I AM PLANNING TO KILL A GOD, AND I’M FREAKING OUT JUST BECAUSE I OFFED THE HEAD OF THE THIEVES GUILD’S EVIL TWIN? WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN WRONG WITH ME? I REALLY NEED TO HOLD IT TOGETHER AND STOP LETTING LITTLE SHIT LIKE THIS GET TO ME, OR THIS THING’S GOING TO END UP BEING EVEN MORE OF A LAUGHABLE FAILURE THAN IT’S ALREADY DOOMED TO BE. THERE’S “LAUGHABLE FAILURE” AND THERE’S “FAILURE SO LEGENDARY I’M CERTAIN TO BE HELD UP TO FUTURE GENERATIONS AS A STUNNING EXAMPLE OF THE PERSON CHILDREN LEAST WANT TO GROW UP TO RESEMBLE.” LET’S AT LEAST *TRY* TO AIM FOR THE FORMER. 

RIGHT. NOW THAT THE ME OF ABOUT THREE SECONDS AGO IS FINISHED WITH HIS BRAIN-MELTINGLY MORONIC TANTRUM, BACK TO BUSINESS. WITH ORVAS DREN DEAD, I GOT THE LAST TO COUNCILORS’ VOTES AS HORTATOR, SO I HAD TO GO BACK TO TALK TO (UGH) CRASSIUS AGAIN TO GET IT MADE OFFICIAL. HLAALU’S SYMBOL OF THE HORTATOR IS A BELT, AND OF COURSE CRASSIUS PRACTICALLY FELL ALL OVER HIMSELF TRYING TO “VOLUNTEER” TO PUT THAT THING ON ME HIMSELF. I TOLD HIM TO KINDLY GO FUCK HIMSELF, TOOK THE BELT AND LEFT.

HLA OAD IS BETWEEN HERE AND ALD’RUHN. SINCE IT’S ON MY WAY, I’LL PROBABLY STOP THERE AND SEE IF I CAN’T FIND ANYTHING ABOUT THOSE ASH STATUES. OF COURSE, SINCE FINDING SOMETHING OUT ABOUT THEM MEANS I’LL HAVE TO TALK TO CRASSIUS *AGAIN*, THE POOR WEAK-WILLED ASSHOLES WHO’RE BEING BRAINWASHED BY THE STATUES MIGHT BE ON THEIR OWN, ANYWAY, BECAUSE FUCK DEALING WITH CURIO AGAIN. I GUESS IT ALL DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH OF A SOFT-HEARTED SAP FUTURE ME IS.

FUTURE ME’S GOING TO TURN OUT TO BE A SOFT-HEARTED SAP, ISN’T HE? GODS DAMN IT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Karkat was probably overdue for another, "What the fuck am I doing?!" freak out.


	17. Mr. The Outlaw

16 HEARTHFIRE 

THE PEOPLE OF HLA OAD ARE EVEN MORE CLOSED-MOUTHED THAN MOST PEOPLE ON THIS ISLAND, AND THAT’S SAYING A LOT. I’M GOING TO ASSUME IT’S BECAUSE THEIR LOCAL ECONOMY IS FUCKING BUILT ON SMUGGLING, BUT THAT DOESN’T MAKE THEM NOT-ASSHOLES SO MUCH AS IT MAKES THEM CRIMINAL ASSHOLES. OF COURSE, A LOT OF THE WATERFRONT WAS LIKE THAT, TOO, SO THIS MAY BE ONE OF THE LEAST FOREIGN ASPECTS OF THIS PLACE I’VE RUN INTO SO FAR, BUT MOST OF THE PEOPLE IN THE WATEFRONT DISTRICT WERE CRIMINAL ASSHOLES, TOO. 

DESPITE COMPLETE LACK OF HELP, I MANAGED TO FIND A SHIP DOCKED OUT OF THE WAY NOT TOO FAR FROM THAT SWAMP-SMUDGE OF AN EXCUSE FOR A TOWN. THERE WAS A BIG OLD NORD ON THE DECK, SO I FLAT ASKED HIM, “HEY, YOU VELFRED THE OUTLAW?” 

“YEAH, THAT’S ME.” 

“I GOT A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT SOME STATUES.” 

“I WOULDN’T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT NOTHING! I’M A LAW-ABIDING IMPERIAL CITIZEN!” 

“… THEN WHY THE *FUCK* DID YOU JUST ANSWER TO ‘VELFRED THE OUTLAW’?” 

I WOULD WONDER IF THAT’S HOW HE SIGNS HIS FUCKING NAME, BUT THE BRAIN-DAMAGED MORON PROBABLY CAN’T SPELL IT, AND JUST SIGNS WITH AN “X”. I ALSO POINTED OUT THAT HEY, THERE’S NOTHING FUCKING ILLEGAL ABOUT STATUES TO BEGIN WITH, SO WHAT’S HE GETTING SO WORKED UP ABOUT, AND IF THERE’S NOTHING FUNNY GOING ON HERE (OUTSIDE OF HIS FUCKING FACE), THERE SHOULDN’T BE ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME LOOKING AROUND. I MIGHT BE LOOKING TO HIRE SOMEONE FOR SHIPPING AND I NEED TO MAKE SURE THE MORONS CAN GET THE CARGO THERE IN ONE PIECE. OF COURSE, HALF OF WHAT I SAID WAS GUARSHIT, BUT SINCE ALL OF WHAT HE WAS FEEDING ME WAS GUARSHIT, IT’S ONLY FAIR. THERE’S NO REASON ONLY ONE OF US SHOULD HAVE LIZARD-SHIT BREATH. 

HE DIDN’T WANT TO LET ME IN HIS BOAT, AND WHEN I PUSHED THE ISSUE HE AND HIS CREWMAN – A NORDIC CHICK WHO FLUNG SPELLS – ATTACKED ME. THEIR FUNERAL, IF YOU CALL “ROTTING IN A SWAMP, UNMARKED AND FORGOTTEN BECAUSE YOU WERE A PATHETIC PIECE OF SLIME WITH NO FRIENDS,” A “FUNERAL”. WITH THEM GONE, I COULD CHECK OUT THE WRECK HE CALLED A “SHIP.” 

HIS CARGO WAS ABOUT WHAT YOU’D EXPECT – MOON SUGAR, EBONY, THAT SORT OF SHIT. AND ASH STATUES. CHEAP, UNPROFITABLE, PERFECTLY LEGAL ASH STATUES. THAT’S WHEN I REMEMBER SOMETHING THAT CAT THIEF TOLD ME WAY BACK WHEN I FIRST GOT HERE, WHAT WAS HER NAME? ADDIOS OR SOME SHIT? SHE WAS THE SENSIBLE ONE – MORE SENSIBLE THAN ME AT THIS POINT, I’LL COME RIGHT OUT AND SAY THAT, SINCE I WENT AND GOT INFECTED WITH THIS ISLAND’S SPECIAL BRAND OF PURE FUCKING CRAZY. SHE HAD SAID THAT THE SMUGGLERS WERE ALL SHIPPING SOMETHING THEY WEREN’T TALKING ABOUT, AND NOW IT LOOKS LIKE IT MIGHT BE THESE STATUES. 

I GRABBED ONE FOR EVIDENCE AND GOT OUT OF THERE BEFORE ANY OF MR. THE OUTLAW’S OTHER SHIPMATES COULD RETURN FROM WHEREVER THE FUCK THEY WERE, THEN WENT BACK TO HLA OAD WHERE I CAUGHT A BOAT BACK TO VIVEC. THERE WAS SOMETHING PUSHING AT THE BACK OF MY MIND ON THE TRIP, IT FELT LIKE… AN ALMOST MEMORY? MAYBE IT’S THE FUCKING STATUE, BUT THAT SHOULDN’T BE AFFECTING ME WHILE I’M AWAKE. BESIDES, IT’S PROBABLY JUST BECAUSE I’VE GONE INSANE IN A DIFFERENT WAY, BUT VORYN’S CRAZY-DREAMS HAVEN’T BEEN AFFECTING ME SINCE I TAMED THE CANCER. 

VORYN? WHAT THE FUCK?! UR! DAGOTH UR! THAT’S HIS FUCKING NAME! NOW, ANYWAY. IT WASN’T WHEN- WHAT? WHEN WHAT? WHAT THE FUCK AM I GOING ON ABOUT? MAYBE THAT STATUE DID SOMETHING AFTER ALL? GOOD THING I THREW THE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT IN THE WATER WHEN I WAS DONE. 

BACK ON TRACK. CRASSIUS WAS JUST AS DISGUSTINGLY PERVERSE AS ALWAYS, BUT BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING SOFT-HEARTED SAP (LIKE *SOMEONE* SO RECENTLY PREDICTED I’D BE), I PUT UP WITH IT TO GET THE STATUES BANNED. HE SAID THAT IF SMUGGLERS ARE LETTING LEGAL, UNPROFITABLE SHIT LIKE THOSE THINGS TAKE UP SPACE THAT COULD GO TO EBONY OR SUGAR, THERE’S SOMETHING PRETTY FUCKED UP GOING ON AND HE SHOULD BE ABLE TO GET THE OTHER COUNCILORS TO BAN THEM OVER IT, NO PROBLEM. WHICH WILL PROBABLY JUST MAKE THEM EVEN *MORE* PROFITABLE, BUT IF IT’S JUST LOWLIFE SMUGGLING ASSHOLES TURNING INTO PSYCHOTIC CULTISTS INSTEAD OF *EVERYONE*, THAT’S PROBABLY A MARGINAL IMPROVEMENT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so the original idea when I went to once a week updating was that I'd post over the weekend, Saturday or Sunday, because I'm off work on those days. Unfortunately I didn't stop to consider that once the semester started, my weekend schedule would be booked solid with "last minute freaking out in a borderline panic because my school work is due Sunday ad midnight and as always, I've put it off until the last possible moment." Now, the rational way to handle this would be for me to do my college work earlier in the week, so of course that's not how I'm going to do things. I mean, on some level I want to, but at this point I know myself well enough to know it's not going to happen. So instead I'll post these midweek instead, and that way I can more fuLly dedicate my weekends to panic-mode. To make up for this last weekend, I'll post two entries today. 
> 
> The encounter with Mr. The Outlaw comes off as a little weird, but there's no not-weird way to do it. In the game, you don't have the option to ask him about the statues until you've seen them on his ship, which he lets you wander right into despite the fact that he's supposed to be a fucking smuggler. Then, once you can ask him about the statues, he attacks you for bringing them up. I juggled things to try to make them a little more sense, but I also felt I just *had* to include the fact that he insists that he's an honest Imperial Citizen despite being named "Velfred the Outlaw." It just had to come up, even if it turned out forced. That's all there is to it. 
> 
> As for the statue weirdness, I pretty much made all of that up. As I've stated, my take on this is that the Nerevarine really is the reincarnation of Nerevar, and as time goes on he'll start remembering bits and pieces and feelings from that life, since his whole destiny in this life is wrapped around who he was. Since the actual game only covers a few in-game months, it doesn't play that huge a part (not enough time to really start remembering), but it'll be there from time to time, and hanging onto one of Dagoth Ur's magic statues seemed a good spot for it.


	18. Nobility

17 HEARTHFIRE 

I’M BACK IN CRAB-CITY, CENTER OF HOUSE FUCKING REDORAN CULTURE. THEIR ARCHMASTER, BOLVYN VENIM, WOULDN’T EVEN LET ME TALK LONG ENOUGH TO GET MY REQUESTS OUT. CAN’T ASK ABOUT HORTATOR, CAN’T ASK ABOUT THE ASH STATUES, NOTHING. I’M A FUCKING OUTLANDER AND HE DOESN’T WANT TO HEAR IT, AND THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO IT. I TRIED THE OTHER COUNCILORS TO SEE IF ANY OF THEM ARE MORE REASONABLE, AND IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE. ONE OF THEM, ATHYN SARETHI, SAID HE MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP IF I RESCUED HIS SON FROM VENIM’S MANOR. WHY THE FUCK ONE OF THESE COUNCILORS WAS HOLDING ANOTHER ONE’S SON PRISONER IS BEYOND ME, BUT IF THERE’S ANYONE OUT THERE WHO’RE BIGGER ASSHOLES THAN THE CRIMINALS, IT’S USUALLY THE NOBILITY. IT DIDN’T MATTER, THOUGH, I SAID I’D HELP HIM. I WAS STUMPED ON HOW ELSE TO MOVE FORWARD, VENIM’S AN GUAR-FUCKING SON OF A SCRIB-SUCKER, AND IF THERE WAS SOMETHING I COULD DO THAT’LL PISS HIM OFF, I WAS DOWN WITH THAT. 

THE SHIELD I PICKED UP BACK IN KOGORUHN COULD TURN ME INVISIBLE, WHICH HELPED A *LOT* WHEN IT CAME TO SNEAKING IN. THE KID WAS BEING HELD IN A SECRET CELL BEHIND A TAPESTRY, AND THIS IS PART OF WHAT’S WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE: THEY LIVE THE SORT OF LIVES WHERE HAVING A SECRET PRISON CELL IN YOUR *HOUSE* BEHIND THE TAPESTRY SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA, AND OF *COURSE* THE SORT OF TAINTSNIFFER WHO PUTS A SECRET PRISON CELL IN THEIR HOUSE IS GOING TO COME UP WITH AN EXCUSE TO USE IT! IT’S NOT LIKE THOSE THINGS ARE INSTALLED FOR STORAGE! 

TO GET THE KID OUT, I LENT HIM A CHAMELEON RING I PICKED UP SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY. I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER WHERE, OR REMEMBER WHEN MY LIFE BECAME THE KIND OF LIFE WHERE I CAN FUCKING FORGET WHERE ALL MY MAGIC ITEMS CAME FROM. WITH IT I WAS ABLE TO GET HIM BACK TO HIS DAD WITHOUT MAJOR INCIDENT, SINCE THESE MORONS JUST LIVE RIGHT ACROSS THE GIANT CRAB-SHELL FROM EACH OTHER, WHICH IS THE SORT OF THING YOU’D THINK SOMEONE WOULD TAKE INTO CONSIDERATION WHEN THEY’RE KIDNAPPING EACH OTHER’S CHILDREN, BUT APPARENTLY NOT. 

SARETHI SAID THAT IF I COULD GET THE VOTES OF ALL THE OTHER COUNCILORS, VENIM WOULD BE FORCED INTO ACCEPTING A CHALLENGE TO DUEL. WELL, I THINK MAYBE HE COULD HAVE TURNED IT DOWN, BUT THESE REDORANS ARE BIG ON HONOR? SO HE’D LOOK UNFIT FOR HIS JOB OR SOMETHING? IT SEEMED PRETTY FUCKING STUPID TO ME, BUT NOBILITY. HE ALSO SAID HE’D TRY TO PERSUADE THE OTHERS TO HELP ME, AND I GUESS HE DID A GREAT JOB, BECAUSE THEY ALL GAVE ME THEIR VOTE, NO ARGUMENT. ONE OF THEM FLAT OUT TOLD ME HE THOUGHT MY STORY WAS NUTS, BUT HE LIKED ME ANYWAY BECAUSE I’VE BEEN GETTING SHIT DONE AROUND HERE AND IT’S ABOUT FUCKING TIME *SOMEONE* TRIED TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT DAGOTH UR. 

THANK THE FUCKING GODS! AEDRA, DAEDRA, SPIRITS, GODDESS OF WHORES, KING OF RAPE, I DON’T CARE, GO AHEAD AND THANK THEM ALL! THIS IS WHAT I’VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT! I EXPECT PEOPLE TO THINK MY STORY’S CRAZY. I’M LIVING IT, AND *I* THINK IT’S FUCKING CRAZY! BUT THERE’S A DAMNED DEMON-GOD LIVING AT THE CENTER OF A VOLCANO WHO’S DREAM-BRAINWASHING PEOPLE AND TURNING EVERYONE INTO DISEASE-MONSTERS, AND *SOMEONE’S* GOT TO FUCKING DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, AND IT PROBABLY TAKES A CRAZY PERSON! SO ANYWAY, THAT COUNCILOR IS NOW RIGHT UP THERE WITH ADDIOS CAT-THIEF ON MY SHORT LIST OF “PEOPLE ON THIS ISLAND WHO’VE ACTUALLY SHOWN MORE SENSE THAN A BLIGHTED CAVE RAT.” 

ANOTHER ONE TOLD ME THAT AFTER TALKING TO SARETHI, SHE DECIDED SHE DIDN’T REALLY BELIEVE THAT I WAS AN IMPERIAL AGENT, AFTER ALL. I’VE GOT NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT SHE WAS ON ABOUT. WHO TOLD HER THAT? I MEAN, IT’S TECHNICALLY TRUE, BUT STILL. 

ONCE I HAD ALL THE OTHER VOTES, VENIM AGREED TO A DUEL, BUT BECAUSE HE’S A SHITHEAD, HE’S MAKING IT AS BIG A PAIN AS POSSIBLE AND INSISTS IT BE HELD IN THE ARENA IN VIVEC. SO NOW I’VE GOT TO GO ALL THE WAY *BACK* TO VIVEC *AGAIN*. I’M STARTING TO GET TO KNOW THE INSIDE OF THESE BUG-STRIDERS A BIT TOO WELL AT THIS POINT. I’VE STARTED NAMING THEM. THE ONE I RODE HERE ON IS DAVE, OBVIOUSLY, BUT I’LL RUN OUT OF ACTUAL STRIDERS TO NAME THEM AFTER REAL QUICK, SO I GUESS I’LL HONOR OTHER FRIENDS WITH THEIR VERY OWN OVER-SIZED FLEA NAMESAKES, TOO.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So you might be reading this and thinking, "Wait, so you can give magic invisibility items to other characters, and they'll use them?" No, you can't, which is unfortunate, but it's what he would have done if he could, so I went with it. Also, because it makes a HELL of a lot more sense then trying to explain the actual Venim guard AI behavior in-character, since I ran into a rather bizarre glitch at this point.
> 
> When I tried to sneak out with my escorted game-moron in tow (he, naturally, didn't bother sneaking), the manor guards saw me, immediately ran up to me, would attack me once, and then... fall out of combat mode. At which point if I attacked them back, I'd get in trouble for initiating a fight inside a city/attacking a citizen in not-self-defense. I had to reload, because like heck I was going to deal with a bounty because the game's AI was flipping out on me. So, anyway, since literally nothing that happened in that manor actually made any sense in the context of, "These are real people who are just kind of dumb," I decided to pretend that Karkat just did what I *would* have made him do if the option had been there, and ignore the AI stupidity.
> 
> As a side note, 17 Hearthfire corresponds to the day "Meanwhile, Back in the Imperial City..." takes place on.


	19. Potion Time Freeze

_Beginning with this entry, the journal is kept in the margins and blank pages of Hardin the Herbalist's[Special Flora of Tamriel](http://uesp.net/wiki/Lore:Special_Flora_of_Tamriel), although the backside of a [Public Notice](http://uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Public_notice) and a [strange note](http://uesp.net/wiki/Morrowind:Note_from_the_Archcanon) are also used._

18 HEARTHFIRE 

OKAY, THAT WAS *WAY* TOO FUCKING CLOSE FOR COMFORT. I MEAN, I WON, OBVIOUSLY, SINCE I’M WRITING THIS AND VENIM’S FERTILIZING GIANT MUSHROOMS OR WHATEVER, BUT THERE’S NO WAY I WOULD HAVE MADE IT IF IT WEREN’T FOR THE POTION TIME-FREEZE. I ALWAYS WONDERED WHY MORE PEOPLE DIDN’T TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT, BUT I GUESS IT DOESN’T WORK THE SAME FOR EVERYONE? I REMEMBER ROSE SAYING SHE COULD ONLY USE FOUR POTIONS DURING A FREEZE, WHICH IS PROBABLY FOR THE BEST, SINCE SHE’D ALREADY BE DEAD OF ALCOHOL POISONING OTHERWISE. 

AS IT WAS, I RAN THROUGH NEARLY ALL OF MY POTIONS AND *STILL* HAD TO BURN MY MAGIC ON HEALING INSTEAD OF ATTACKS. I GUESS THAT’S OKAY, THOUGH, BECAUSE I’M A FUCKING IDIOT WHO KEEPS FORGETTING THAT OTHER DUNMER DON’T BURN ANY MORE EASILY THAN I DO. 

I USED THE MAGE GUILD GUIDES TO GET ME BACK TO ALD’RUHN, SINCE I HAD TO STOP BY THE GUILD TO STOCK UP ON POTIONS ANYWAY. SARETHI NAMED ME HORTATOR AND GAVE ME THE REDORAN HORATOR’S RING ALONG WITH SOME PAPERS HE WAS TOLD TO PASS ON TO ME. APPARENTLY, A PUBLIC NOTICE HAS BEEN PUT OUT DECLARING ME A CRIMINAL, HERETIC, AND IMPERIAL AGENT! HOW ABOUT THAT! I GUESS THAT EXPLAINS HOW THE HELL THAT ONE COUNCIL MEMBER KNEW. SO MUCH FOR MY SECRET BLADES MEMBERSHIP! THE NOTICE ALSO WARNS PEOPLE TO CONTACT THE ORDINATORS IF THEY SEE ME, WHICH IS KIND OF HILARIOUS BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T ACTUALLY BOTHER TO DESCRIBE WHAT I LOOK LIKE. NOT THAT IT WOULD HAVE DONE MUCH GOOD. “HE’S A DUNMER WITH BLACK HAIR AND RED EYES.” YEAH, GOOD LUCK GETTING ANYWHERE WITH *THAT*. I’M NOT SURE HOW MUCH TROUBLE THIS “HERETIC” STUFF IS GOING TO CAUSE WITH TELVANNI, BUT AT LEAST I’VE ALREADY DEALT WITH THE BIGGEST TEMPLE SUCK-UPS. WELL, BESIDES INDORIL. MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE. THE TRIBUNAL SURE AS FUCK MADE SURE THOSE GUYS WERE WELL UNDER THEIR THUMB, DIDN’T THEY? WHATEVER. I ONLY NEED THREE HOUSES FOR THIS “TRIAL,” ANYWAY. 

THE OTHER PACKAGE WAS A SEALED LETTER FROM NONE OTHER THAN THE ASSISTANT TO THE HIGH FANE’S ARCH-FUCKING-PRIEST HIMSELF. THE QUICK AND DIRTY VERSION IS THEY THINK I’M FULL OF SHIT (SO AT LEAST WE AGREE ON SOMETHING) BUT IF I COMPLETE THE FOURTH AND FIFTH TRIALS (DESPITE WHATEVER THEY MIGHT DO TO GET IN THE WAY), I SHOULD GO TALK TO THE ARCH-PRIEST (IN SECRET, BECAUSE THEY OFFICIALLY HATE ME). WHEN I DO THAT, THEY’LL CONSIDER THIS WHOLE NEREVARINE PILE OF GUAR-DUNG. 

SURE! GREAT IDEA! THERE’S NO POSSIBLE WAY THIS COULD BE SOME SORT OF TRAP! 

EITHER WAY, I’LL WORRY ABOUT IT LATER. TRAP OR NO TRAP, I MAY END UP *NEEDING* THESE ASSHOLES, ESPECIALLY SINCE I’M SORT OF DOING THEIR JOB OF DEALING WITH THE DEVIL IN THE CENTER OF THEIR ISLAND. 

HOUSE REDORAN WAS DOWNRIGHT EAGER TO BAN THE ASH STATUES FOR ME. APPARENTLY WHATEVER TWISTED, CONVOLUTED CHAIN OF EVENTS THAT LEAD TO SARETHI’S SON BEING HELD PRISONER BY VENIM IN A SECRET CELL INVOLVED THEM. I DON’T KNOW, I DON’T CARE, I DIDN’T ASK. NOW THAT REDORAN’S TAKEN CARE OF, IT’S TIME TO TALK TO TELVANNI. I GUESS I’M OFF TO SEE THE FUCKING WIZARDS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Venim actually killed me multiple times before I managed to take him out. He was responsible for so many Dead Karkats, you guys don't even know. Many doomed timelines were created. It was tragic. 
> 
> I justify the inventory-access-time-freeze being a literal, in character thing for TES universe based on this line from [the 23rd Sermon of Vivec](http://uesp.net/wiki/Lore:36_Lessons_of_Vivec,_Sermon_23):
> 
> "'The immobile warrior is never fatigued. He cuts sleep holes in the middle of a battle to regain his strength.'"
> 
> It's kind of flimsy, but considering the Sermons directly reference game artifacts from Redguard, include a description that implies that Vivec actually has access to the Morrowind Construction Set, and explicitly references CHIM (the idea that the world is the result of shared dreams of 'gods', and that individuals who become aware that reality is a 'dream' and aren't driven mad by it can actively break the rules), I figure it's legit. Nobody questions how weird it is that time freezes when you're using your extra-dimensional inventory, because it's always been that way. Nobody in Homestuck thinks that Syladexes and Strife Specibi are weird for the same reason. 
> 
> Anyway, this also gives me a chance to poke at the difference in game mechanics between Morrowind and Oblivion.


	20. Conflict Resolution

20 HEARTHFIRE 

SO HERE’S HOW THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS WENT: BUG RIDE FROM ALD’RUHN TO BALMORA TO DROP OFF SOME THINGS, BUG RIDE FROM BALMORA TO VIVEC, BOAT RIDE FROM VIVEC TO TEL BRANORA, BOAT RIDE FROM TEL BRANORA TO SADRITH MORA, GET HOSPITALITY PAPERS FROM THE GATEWAY INN SO I CAN WANDER AROUND SADRITH MORA, GET TOLD I SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN A MAGE GUILD TELEPORT INTO THE CITY (AND FUCK YOU VERY MUCH FOR WAITING UNTIL I HAD PAID TO MENTION THAT, THANKS), STEAL ONE OF THOSE PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENTS BRANDING ME A HERETIC FROM THE BAR (EITHER NO ONE NOTICED ME DO IT, OR NO ONE GAVE A SHIT, PROBABLY THE LATTER), WANDER AROUND HAPPY TREE-HOUSE WIZARD LAND UNTIL I FIND THE HUGE FUCKING PLANT BALL THAT THE TELVANNI USES AS THEIR COUNCIL CHAMBERS, TALK TO A FUCKLOAD OF USELESS MORONS BEFORE I FINALLY GET *SOMEBODY* TO TELL ME THAT SOME DOUCHMUFFIN NAMED MASTER ARYON AT TEL VOS IS THE COUNCILOR THAT’S MOST LIKELY TO ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT AN OUTLANDER’S GOT TO SAY, BOAT FROM SADRITH MORA TO TEL MORA, BOAT FROM TEL MORA TO VOS, WALK FROM VOS TO TEL VOS. 

OKAY, YEAH, I FUCKED UP NOT TAKING THE MAGE’S GUILD TO SADRITH MORA, BUT THAT WAS STILL ANOTHER TWO BOAT RIDES FROM WHERE I NEEDED TO GO. WHY THE MEPHALA-BAFFLING FUCK IS THERE NO WAY TO GO DIRECTLY WHERE YOU NEED TO GO IN THIS PLACE?! I’M NOT EVEN TALKING THE SHITTY ASHLANDS AND THE STUPID NOMADIC TRIBES HERE, I DON’T *EXPECT* THEM TO HAVE CIVILIZED CONVENIENCES. BUT THE TELVANNI HOUSE IS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BIG HOTSHOT WIZARD HOUSE, YOU’D THINK THEY COULD COME UP WITH SOME BETTER WAY TO TRANSPORT THAN FUCKING SHORT BOAT RIDES THAT STILL DON’T GET YOU WHERE YOU NEED TO GO! BUT NO, THESE ASSHOLES DON’T EVEN BELIEVE IN FUCKING STAIRS – IT’S LEVITATE OR NOTHING, TO REMIND THE PEONS OF THEIR PLACE, I BET. MEANWHILE, THE MAGE GUILD LETS ANYONE WITH A FEW COINS ZIP ANYWHERE THEY’VE GOT ANOTHER GUILD HALL. BUT HEY, WE BETTER GET RID OF ALL THESE NASTY FOREIGNERS, IT MIGHT MESS WITH THE LOCAL WIZARDS’ ABILITY TO KEEP THEIR PEOPLE SHUT IN THEIR MAGIC FUCKING TREE HOUSES. 

TEL VOS WAS MADE OF HALF LIVING TREE-THING AND HALF IMPERIAL-STYLE CASTLE. MASTER ARYON SAID HE LIKED CONTRASTING HIS HOMEY LITTLE PLANTS WITH THE “EXOTIC” FOREIGN STYLES. I NOTICED HE HAD AN IMPERIAL BANNER IN HIS STUDY, BUT I’M NOT SURE IF IT’S BECAUSE HE GIVES TWO GUAR-SHITS ABOUT THE EMPIRE OR HE JUST THINKS IT’S FUNNY. HE TOLD ME HE’D CONSIDER VOTING FOR ME AS HORTATOR, BUT TO PROVE THAT I’M NOT TRICKING HOUSE TELVANNI I HAD TO DO THEM A FAVOR (OF FUCKING COURSE). THEN HE GAVE ME SOME STORY ABOUT SOME HLAALU IDIOT AND SOME TELVANNI ASSHOLE BOTH CLAIMING A STRONGHOLD SOMEWHERE, AND I’M SUPPOSED TO GO HELP THE WIZARD WHO’S HOLED UP THERE DEAL WITH THE HLAALU AGENTS. I TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF, I’M SUPPOSED TO REPRESENTING *ALL* THE HOUSES IN THIS, WHICH MEANS NO KILLING HLAALU SOLDIERS TO SETTLE THEIR STUPID INTER-HOUSE DISPUTE. NEGOTIATING TRADE OR WHATEVER AS A FAVOR TO HLAALU IS ONE THING – I’M GETTING THESE PETTY, BICKERING COCKSUCKERS TO WORK *TOGETHER* MORE INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING THEIR MORONIC SQUABBLES. I TOLD HIM HE’D HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER TASK FOR ME. 

SO WHAT DOES THE DREUGH-FONDLER DO? HE LAUGHS, TELLS ME THAT I GAVE THE “RIGHT” ANSWER, AND AGREES TO VOTE FOR ME. THE WHOLE THING WAS A FUCKING TRICK. HE ALSO GAVE ME ADVICE FOR DEALING WITH THE OTHER TELVANNI COUNCILORS: DRATHA HATES MEN (OH, GOODY, I GUESS FOR ONCE I’VE GOT SOMEONE HATING ME FOR REASONS BESIDES BEING BORN IN CYRODIIL), THERANA’S NUTS, NELOTH’S AN ASSHOLE, AND GOTHREN WILL JUST KEEP TELLING ME HE’LL “THINK ABOUT IT” AND NEVER ACTUALLY VOTE FOR ME. ARYON THINKS I’LL PROBABLY HAVE TO KILL HIM. APPARENTLY THIS IS A SANCTIONED FUCKING CONFLICT RESOLUTION METHOD IN HOUSE TELVANNI.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was longer than I intended and I apologize. College and work both have to take priority, and I can't promise I won't have other long periods between updates like the last. What I can promise is that I will update again, and the good news is I only have a couple more months of college.
> 
> This one largely boils down to another rant about the lack of fast travel in this game. >_> Plus, I was finding more of those public notices around.


End file.
